American Vampire #34

This is the final issue of this series… at least for a while. It’s going on a hiatus for a few months so writer Scott Snyder can work on a Superman comic. To which I say Bah. BAH! Right now, any American Vampire comic is more important than any Superman comic.

Anyway, this issue is set several years after the previous issue, as Abilena Book, former agent of the Vassals of the Morning Star, living incognito in New Mexico, gets a visit from Gene Hunting, nephew of Will Hunting, the bookkeeper (not an accountant, more of a historian) for the current Vassals group. They don’t particularly hit it off, at least not initially. Gene needs information about the future, and Abilena has become something of a fortuneteller after an encounter years ago with an exotic snake-like vampire. Gene needs to learn about someone ominously called the Gray Trader, but Abilena tells him she won’t be able to help him. And Gene may not survive to the end of the story anyway…

Verdict: Thumbs up. Obviously a place-saver and teaser for whatever will come after the comic’s hiatus. Still, it’s tantalizing, suspenseful, fairly action-packed, and pretty darn scary, too. I hope the next few months pass quickly so I can get back to enjoying this brilliant comic again.

The Hypernaturals #7

Much of our focus is on the galactic supervillain Sublime. Among other things, we learn his origin, which is suitably horrifying and tragic, and we begin to get some hints about how he thinks he can solve the question of what happened to the previous Hypernaturals team and how to fix the Chernovski situation. Can his plans be trusted? Do they dare recreate Chernovski? And is Sublime’s even more evil twin thinking several levels ahead of all of them?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Wild, crazy, brain-expanding sci-fi superheroics with a heavy dose of action and characterization. These are all good things and something we should all want to see a lot more of. Keep your fingers crossed that this one enjoys a proper level of success.

Hellboy in Hell #2

Hellboy continues his trek through Hell, guided by a trio of spirits — who may not actually have his best interests in mind. He is shown the seats of power, which he insists he will never accept, they offer him the chance to murder Satan himself in his eternal sleep, they show him the damned as they are forged into Hell’s army, and they show him his conception, his birth, and the creation of his Right Hand of Doom. What revelations lie ahead? And what temptations?

Verdict: Thumbs up. I’m really enjoying the history and the heavy gravity of what we’re seeing in this story — but I still gotta say, I’m most enjoying seeing Mike Mignola drawing Hellboy again. That don’t happen much anymore, and it’s a glorious thing to behold.

Colder #3

Nimble Jack is on the trail of Declan, the ice-cold immortal, and Reece, his former caregiver. He wants to drive Reece insane, then eat her soul — and she and Declan are the only people who can see him. Declan drags Reece back into the world inside crazy people to escape, but Nimble Jack is able to follow them there, too. Desperate for a way to get away, Declan uses his abilities to make the crazy people around him even crazier, so Jack will eat them instead, but that ends up causing too much upheaval and wrecking the crazy world around them. They escape back to the real world… but it was never a real escape at all. Reece may really be crazy now, giving Nimble Jack a surefire beacon he can follow back to them.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Nicely disturbing stuff all over this issue. Colossal surrealism and suspense, too. You can hardly blame Reece for feeling crazy, ’cause reading through this comic will make you feel a little unbalanced, too.

Today’s Cool Links:

• Cats that look like pinup girls. Might be a bit NSFW, but you should probably look anyway.
• There are actually people who believe a literal zombie apocalypse is something that could happen. Which is to say, I suppose, that crazy people are everywhere.
• Robots playing heavy metal. Also: a four-armed drummer. Yes, this is amazing.

Punk Rock Jesus #6

Much of the final issue focuses on Thomas McKael, the former IRA terrorist who became the security chief for the J2 project. We see his past, captured by the police and learning for the first time that his father planned to turn evidence against the IRA to keep his family safe. But Thomas’ uncle killed his parents to turn him into the terrorist he thought he should be. Soon enough, Thomas escapes from jail, heads for home and kills his uncle, then turns himself back in to the cops, where he has a vision of the Virgin Mary, who warns him that if he ever takes another life, she’ll send him to Hell.

But back to the present. Chris, the kid who may be the clone of Jesus Christ, and his punk rock band, the Flak Jackets, are preparing to play a concert in Jerusalem, just to anger as many religions as they can. And they’re entirely successful — someone shoots a rocket at them and kills their lead guitarist, and extremists kidnap Chris. Thomas saves him, but only by killing a number of other terrorists. Distraught, he asks Chris if he’s really the Son of God, or if he’s just damned himself for no reason. Chris scuttles the tour.

Slate, meanwhile, destroys the J2 complex to protect himself from criminal prosecution, leading Chris, Dr. Epstein, and her daughter Rebekah to go on TV to announce the bombshell revelation that Rebekah is actually Chris’ twin sister. The news prompts the New American Christians to attack the studio. Can everyone escape, or will someone make the ultimate sacrifice?

Verdict: Thumbs up. If I’ve got a complaint, it’s that it ends too abruptly. But I think that’s a minor nitpick, because this is still a glorious, visceral, action-packed read. The whole series has always teased blasphemy, but it’s said a lot more important stuff about belief, friendship, duty, and family. It’s a great series — I hope you got to read it all the way through, but if you didn’t, keep your eyes peeled for the trade paperback.

Batman Inc. #6

Batman goes after Talia, the head of Leviathan, to try to get her to leave Gotham and Damian alone. Nothing doing — she wants Batman dead, she wants Batman Inc. dead, she really wouldn’t mind too much seeing Damian dead. Will Batman be able to survive the hordes of cloned Man-Bats, fanatical cultists, and brainwashed children attacking him? Will the Knight, the Squire, Halo, Looker, Freight Train, and Batwing live or die? Will the rest of the Bat-family ever even leave the Batcave?

Verdict: Thumbs up. An extremely action-packed and tense story. And I’ll be honest, I don’t really care much whether Batman or Damian survive — it’s their comic, and they’re popular, money-making characters, so of course they’ll survive. But dang, I’m nervous about the survival chances of the Knight and Squire…

Today’s Cool Links:

• Ya like horror gaming? Check out this list of last year’s best indie horror games.
• Fred at the Slacktivist is collecting stories from people who got hassled by misguided Christians for playing Dungeons and Dragons. It’s a good read, with lots of interesting anecdotes in the comments.
• Cory Doctorow has an interesting article on how writers create fictional characters.

Well, 2012 is almost over, and I’m absolutely delighted to see it go. This has been, without a single doubt, the absolute worst year of my life.

My grandmother died in January — she was 100 years old, but nope, you’re never prepared for that, never, never. Three friends died of cancer. We lost Ray Bradbury. I was diagnosed with diabetes. “City of Heroes” was shut down.

Oh, I know, there are lots of ways it could’ve been worse. Lots of people have gone through more horrible things this year, and I’ve got it relatively good. My family is healthy and happy. I have a job that keeps a roof over my head, food on the table, and comics in the longboxes. I’ve lost about 45 pounds since July, and my health is overall pretty good.

Nevertheless. It’s been a deeply unpleasant, depressing, sorrowful year, and I won’t be at all sad to see it end.

And ya know, this hasn’t been a very good year for comics, either.

We’ve had to sit through DC firing Gail Simone from “Batgirl” for no apparent reason (and then hiring her back when they realized that she was much more popular than anyone else at the company); DC shutting down “Hellblazer” so they can try to turn John Constantine into a superhero; fans responding to the (truly awful sounding) Amazing Spider-Man #700 by making serious death threats against writer Dan Slott (Pff, like Slott came up with that? Joe Quesada and Alex Alonso probably thought that one up, then assigned him to work on it.); DC just straight up being a dick to Alan Moore almost all year long with the (mostly ignored by readers) “Before Watchmen” comics.

And dominating geek news for the entire year has been the bizarre hostility in comics and gaming toward anyone who isn’t a straight white male. In a lot of ways, the gaming industry has been far worse with the hating-on-everyone problem, but the new obsession with Fake Geek Girls is largely focused on the comics fan community, especially cosplayers. Tony Harris’s bizarre misogyny helped play it up, but DC and Marvel have had more than their fair share of He Man Woman Hater moments, too. Really, would you be particularly surprised if Dan DiDio announced he was firing all the female creators at DC?

I’m probably forgetting some really important awful moments for comics, too, but there have just been so dang many of them…

Even the year’s major successes — the films of “The Avengers” and “The Dark Knight Rises” — were really to be attributed more to the skill, talent, and imagination of movie studios than to comics publishers.

DC, of course, has been the leader in bad comics and bad decisions. Marvel’s been a bit better, but has still shown too much enthusiasm for dull crossover events and poor judgement. The independents have been better than both of the Big Two — and yet I’ve still felt mostly bored with the comics that’ve been released this year.

I went through my pull-list earlier this year and stripped a lot of it out. I was tired of spending so much money on comics, of having to find storage space for all my books. And a lot of what I got rid of was actually pretty good. Scott Snyder’s Batman comic, for example, got pulled off my list. It was just fine, Snyder’s still a fantastic writer, and his work on the Dark Knight is just plain some of the best work anyone’s done with him for years. But I still took it off my list because I wasn’t excited about it. It wasn’t a book I looked forward to getting anymore. There were lots of comics like that — The Massive, Dark Horse Presents, Dial H, Demon Knights, Fatale, Frankenstein, Morning Glories, Popeye, Saucer Country, Unwritten, even B.P.R.D. — and I don’t really regret taking any of them off the list.

So what are my picks for my favorite comics of 2012? Here they are, in alphabetical order…

American Vampire

Still the best and most gloriously visceral horror comic we’ve got. Great characterization, art, and plotting make it a winner every issue.

Atomic Robo

Possibly the most consistently fun and entertaining comic out there. Any comic fan who isn’t reading this is utterly, utterly mad.

Avengers Academy

Cancelled long before its time, I loved this one for the great characterization and for its refusal to fall into the same boring traps as other teen-oriented comics. Random, shock-value deaths were avoided, and the heroes got out of plenty of problems by talking instead of fighting.

Axe Cop

This remains one of the best humor comics you’ll find — the Nicolle brothers are still hugely imaginative, funny, and audacious, even years after they started their comic.

Batwoman

Month after month, the best art you’re going to find in any comic book on the stands.

Daredevil

Probably the best pure superhero comic out there. Mark Waid’s Daredevil is fun, charismatic, clever, action-packed, and just all-around fantastic. And the art is usually pretty darn good, too.

The Goon

Rude? Yes. Hilarious? Yes. Unexpectedly emotional? Yes, yes, yes. Eric Powell would probably kick my ass for saying it, but he’s got more heart than any other comic book creator.

Love and Capes

This superhero sitcom is light on the action, but heavy on the humor, awesome characterization, and brainy storytelling. I would like more of you to read this, please.

Punk Rock Jesus

An amazing story combining religion, punk rock, politics of all stripes, science fiction, and our global obsessions with pop culture and entertainment. Sean Murphy deserves to win all kinds of awards for this.

Snarked

A very fun modernized re-telling of Lewis Carroll’s “The Hunting of the Snark.” Great characters, dialogue, humor, and action, all wrapped up in a very friendly all-ages bow. I want Roger Langridge to make more and more comics, that’s all there is to it.

Wonder Woman

This isn’t really a superhero book at all — it’s part horror comic, part urban fantasy, part reboot of the ancient Greek myths. Half the fun of this is seeing what bizarre new forms the Greek gods and monsters will take.

So that’s what I’ve got for this year. I left off a lot of good comics — books that debuted in only the last few months, books that were cancelled in the first month or two of the year, books that were of unquestionably high-quality but which were nevertheless boring me when I finally dropped them.

What can we hope for in the future? I’m sure not dumb enough to try to make predictions, but I’d like to think that, after a year this bad, there’s nowhere the comics industry can go but up. Unfortunately, my optimism bone done got snapped off, and it wouldn’t shock me a bit to see things get even worse in 2013.

Hold on to your hats, and pray for miracles.

It’s time for the final Friday Night Fights of 2012! Do we have an epic battle between Old Man Time and Baby New Year? Superheroes slugging it out at a New Year’s party? The ghost of Dick Clark beating up whoever’s doing the New Year’s specials nowadays? No! I couldn’t find anything that appropriate. So tonight is Season-Inappropriate Beatdowns on… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from October 1973’s Action Comics #428 by Elliot S! Maggin and Dick Giordano, as Black Canary flips some arrogant dork.

Ya gotta admit — there isn’t anyone who deserves to get his ass kicked by Black Canary more than Green Arrow. They could do that in every issue for the next decade, and Ollie would still have worse coming to him…

**TOOT!**

It’s the only logical explanation.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, and Feliz Navidad!

And because it wouldn’t be a holiday without holiday comic book covers, we now present: Holiday Comic Book Covers!

Kirby bless us, everyone…

I don’t know what it is about this time of year. We’re told that Christmas is, to quote my pal Charles Dickens, “a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.”

And with all of that ringing in our heads, it’s also the time when the hard-heartedness and meanness and cruelty of our species really seems to start working overtime.

I mean, I don’t care what your politics are, when you hear that someone’s shot up an elementary school and killed 20 first-graders, the right response is never to start whining that libruls are comin’ to take yore guuuuuuns, or that the real problem is that pretend guns in video games are the real killers. Seriously, if you’re ever tempted to do that, just keep your fool mouth shut. Try to put yourself in the shoes of the people who have really been wronged here — it’s not you, it’s the victims and their families, and no one wants to listen to gun-worshiping silliness at a time like that.

Heck, it’s not even the only symptom we’ve got of Christmastime cruelties. People want to cut off aid to the poor, they scream at waitresses and store clerks, they fume about every imagined slight, from the entirely mythical War on Christmas to big crowds at the malls. I know it’s not everyone — heck, it’s not even most people — but it sure seems like there’s more of it at this time of year.

My preference would be for people to be compassionate for those who are suffering or less fortunate all the time, but it particularly seems like they should try to be more empathetic around the holidays. I understand that it’s a stressful time, everyone wants everything to be perfect, and there’s enormous pressure on just about everyone — and sometimes folks just snap and let that stress come boiling out on someone else. But it happens too dang often, and it’s really, really messed up.

It’s not like I want everyone to go volunteer at soup kitchens. If that’s your thing, sure, go ahead — but it’s just not for everyone.

But fer cry-eye, be nicer to employees in stores and restaurants. They don’t get paid enough for doing nice things for you, so smile, thank ’em, and wish ’em a merry holiday. Be a bit less aggressive on the highways. Don’t be snippy with friends and family. Try to put yourself in other people’s shoes and remember that there’s pain out there greater than yours, no matter what some angry douche on the TV or radio tells you.

Do it for Christmas — and heck, do it every dang day you can — but be more compassionate, caring, and patient, okay? It’s good for all of us.

Awright, kids, it’s the last weekend before Christmas, and if you think we’re gonna go easy on the harmless cartoon violence just for the sake of the holiday, you’re sadly mistaken. It’s mere days from Christmas, and it’s time for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s festive rannygazoo comes to us from February 2007’s DCU Infinite Holiday Special #1, in the story “Yes, Tyrone, There is a Santa Claus” by Kelley Puckett and Pete Woods. Superman has decided to help a family in need, and because the kids don’t believe in Santa Claus, he’s decided to get dressed up as Old St. Nick to rekindle their love of the holiday. However, it turns out that Batman does not approve of the masquerade.

Yes, Batman, we know. Your parents are DEEAAAAAAD!

So Batman talks Superman out of the charade, but the Man of Steel later decides he’ll pay the family a visit anyway. And what to his wondering eyes should appear…?

That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.