FF #4

The bulk of this issue focuses on She-Hulk going out on a date with Wyatt Wingfoot, and the hilarious and fruitless attempts by Bentley-23 and the lovestruck Moloids to try to derail that date with good old-fashioned mad science. And I don’t know that there’s any need for me to describe it any further than that.

Verdict: Thumbs up. This is just an absolutely outstanding comic. From Jen and Wyatt’s adorably perfect date to the increasingly bizarre and entirely hopeless attempts by the kids to ruin the romance, it’s all solid proof that you — yes, you — need to be reading this comic book. Go get it already!

Freelancers #4

Val and Cass have learned that Drachmann, one of their former instructors at the orphanage, killed their sensei and is the leader of a secret organization dedicated to destroying Los Angeles. Looking for a way to track him down, they pay a visit to Patrick, the guy who gets them their freelancer assignments, and he points them toward a likely target who’ll need them as bodyguards. Ricky Saint is a hip-hop star who claims to be a former gangster — but he’s actually stolen the identity and backstory of a real gangster. Now the gangster is out of jail and looking to bump Ricky off during a big concert. Can Val and Cass manage to keep Ricky Saint alive with multiple assassins gunning for him?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Excellent action and nice dialogue. The whole comic is just good escapist fun. Ain’t nothing wrong with good escapist fun.

Today’s Cool Links:

• Chris Sprouse is a much better man than Orson Scott Card.
• Someone please make this awesome Wonder Woman movie.
• If you haven’t heard the “Head Like a Hole”-“Call Me Maybe” mashup, it’s really pretty dang good.

Young Avengers #1

I heard lots of folks recommend this one recently, so I’m gonna give it a try.

Most of this is focused on getting everyone re-acquainted with the characters from the original Young Avengers series. Kate “Hawkeye” Bishop wakes up in Noh-Varr’s spaceship, and they almost immediately have to fight off a Skrull attack. Hulkling and Wiccan are living together — well, living together in separate rooms in Wiccan’s parents’ house. Hulkling is fighting crime behind Wiccan’s back, and Wiccan decides to go surfing the multiverse to try to save Hulkling’s mother. Kid Loki, meanwhile, wants to keep Wiccan from doing anything in the multiverse, but ends up tangling with Miss America. Wiccan ends up finding Hulkling’s mom — but it may not be the mom anyone was expecting to find…

Verdict: Thumbs up. A lot of this is really grand — Noh-Varr’s enthusiasm for ’60s girl groups is fairly awesome. Hulkling and Wiccan’s affection is well-handled. Kid Loki is darn funny. And Kate’s all-giant-font monologue before going out to fight the Skrulls is one of the greatest mission statements about superheroism I’ve seen in years.

Young Avengers #2

While Teddy is glad that his mother is back, he gets considerably less glad about it when it becomes clear that she’s controlling Wiccan’s parents’ minds — or has replaced them entirely! All that plus she can defuse Wiccan’s spells and reshape reality! Hulkling and Wiccan run off to get help from the Avengers, but get a nasty surprise when the heroes turn them back over the Hulkling’s mom — somehow she’s controlling the Avengers, too. Heck, she’s controlling almost everyone. She stuffs both of them into an empty, featureless limbo, but Kid Loki pulls them out and reveals that Hulkling’s mom is actually an interdimensional parasite of some sort. But they suspect that Loki may be behind the whole thing somehow, so they drag him off to Asgard — and that’s when things go from bad to worse…

Verdict: Thumbs up. Nicely done desperation, and Kid Loki continues to be wonderfully hilarious. I do hope we see the rest of the team soon — they’re completely absent in this issue…

I don’t think I’ve got a lot of patience for blogging — or much of anything else — this week, so let’s get this one knocked out fast.

Tonight’s battle comes from January 2011’s X-Men: To Serve and Protect #1 by Christopher Yost, Derec Donovan, and Andres Jose Mossa. Rockslide and Anole of the Young X-Men are, with the rest of the X-Men, hanging out in San Francisco, and they’ve both decided they want to go out and fight crime, not the usual fighting-with-other-mutants that the X-Men normally focus on. So they go put on disguises that do nothing to disguise them and go fight crime.

The most amusing thing comes a couple panels later when we learn that Rockslide wore a fake mustache underneath his mask. Nicely played.

So head over to SpaceBooger’s house and vote for your favorite.

Batman Inc. #8

Yeah, it’s the worst-kept spoiler ever.

So it’s the big final battle against Leviathan, and the heroes are on the ropes. Batman’s trapped in a safe at the bottom of a swimming pool. Nightwing and Commissioner Gordon are being mobbed by brainwashed children. Red Robin is about to get ambushed. And Damian needs to save the day, against insurmountable odds. But when Damian’s clone — force-grown to adulthood and gifted with enhanced strength — shows up to the fight, things aren’t going to go well.

Verdict: For the most part, a thumbs up. Lots of action — pretty good action, too. Loved the interplay with Damian and Dick Grayson. They really were the best team, weren’t they?

However, I do thumbs it down for killing Damian, even if it’s just a temporary death. He’s an absolutely grand character, and completely unique within the Bat-family. In particular, I’m disappointed that Damian didn’t get more of a swan song — oh, sure, he was basically the star of all of the last few issues, but most of that was devoted to general ass-whuppery, and I think a character this great at least deserved a decent farewell scene with his dad. But I guess this way, we get an even more angsty unpleasant Batman back, which will be just like it was before. Is that what we really want?

Not even sure it matters. Like they’ll leave Damian dead for long? Heck, no. He’s too great a character, and DC can’t resist bringing characters back, except for the ones they hate, I guess (Wally, Cassandra, Stephanie, Donna, Lian, the Justice Society, etc.).

Uncanny Avengers #4

Pretty much a lot more hitting and punching. Thor has been mind-controlled by the Red Skull, who’s stolen Charles Xavier’s brain, and the Scarlet Witch has to take him out of the fight. The Skull works hard trying to mind-control Captain America, too. And everything eventually ends up okay, or basically kinda-sorta okay.

Verdict: Thumbs mostly down. The action was fine. The art was really nice. And it was all just basically people hitting each other a lot. And since reading this, I can’t stop seeing this as a bunch of honkeys fighting a bunch of Nazis. The next few issues of this better be really good, or I’ll have to dump it.

Today’s Cool Links:

• The folks running Zeus Comics in Dallas are working to make comics better.
• The gaming industry’s weirdly obsessive hatred of female characters and female gamers is causing them to make outright bad video games.
• This would be the coolest comic book ever.
• The New York Yankees have admitted what everyone else already knew.
• This is the only worthwhile Harlem Shake video you’re going to see.

Womanthology: Space #5

All of this stories in this issue — the last one of this particular series, though I wouldn’t be surprised to see more on the way soon — are on a broad, common theme: not just stories related to space, but stories about comets. We get a story about an unsually tall girl who loves to run by Barbara Randall Kesel, Diana Nock, and Amauri Osorio; a tale about a robot who installs itself into a voiceless human body to visit the performer he loves by Allison Pang, Chrissie Zullo, and Amauri Osorio; a story about a couple of nogoodniks in 1666 who set out to steal some brandy by Laura Morley, Sara Richard, and Amauri Osorio; a mythological take on the formation of comets by Cecil Castellucci, Kel McDonald, and Amauri Osorio; and a futuristic dystopian story in which a comet’s coming is believed to be a sign of God’s disfavor by Kiala Kazebee and Isabelle Melancon.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Quite aside from the fact that all the stories are excellently written and excellently illustrated, I just want to say that I loved the way the comet theme was used in this issue. You had someone who dressed up as a comet, Halley’s Comet as a background element of a story, an allegorical story about comets, and even a well-known performing artist who takes a tumble out of a dirigible — a falling star. That broad theme gives all the creators an opportunity to create a very wide variety of fun stories.

Captain Marvel #10

Carol Danvers has been diagnosed with some sort of ailment and ordered by her doctor to stop flying — no flying planes, and no flying with superpowers either. I don’t know why there’s a medical connection between the two, really — is the ailment related to how high she goes? Beats me, and no one bothers to question the whole thing. At any rate, Captain Marvel thinks the whole thing is a load of hooey, so she does a little flying. She manages to save a subway car trapped in a sinkhole, but she has some odd blackouts. Plus she’s being stalked by an old enemy called Deathbird. Can Captain Marvel deal with a foe who knows she’s getting weaker? And what will be the ultimate cost of her decision to keep flying?

Verdict: Thumbs up, but just barely, and only because the story was not 100% idiocy. I could’ve dealt with the silliness of the story just fine if it weren’t for the problem of the abysmally bad artwork by Filipe Andrade. I don’t know what kind of blackmail material he’s got on Marvel, but it must be pretty spicy. Really, this comic may be the only one I know of where the interior art is always in a style that’s entirely different than the (completely gorgeous) art on the covers.

Gather ’round, kids. It’s Friday evening, and we’re all dying to get the weekend started. But there’s no way to get it started right without comic book violence. It’s in the Constitution, man! So batten down the hatches — it’s time for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us courtesy of January 2010’s Justice Society of America #33 by Bill Willingham, Matthew Sturges, and Jesus Merino, as Wildcat puts some whuppin’ down on the losers of the Dog Pound.

Head over to SpaceBooger’s joint and vote for your favorite fights!

Batwoman #17

It’s the great final battle against Medusa, her monstrous minions, and Ceto, the mother of all monsters. We get some triumphs — Bette Kane reveals her new superhero codename as Hawkfire and she clobbers the stuffin’s out of the Hook — and some tragedies — Abbot, Batwoman’s occasional werewolf ally, is destroyed by the Medusa. But can all the heroes stop the Medusa? Can they stop Ceto? And what other cliffhangers will we be left with?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Oh, so very many thumbs up. First of all, as we’ve noted so very many times, this is the most beautifully illustrated comic on the stands, and that alone should make it worthy of your purchase. Second, it really is an excellent story, with drama, suspense, loss, and tons of great moments. Like I said, we’ve got a couple of cliffhangers, which I won’t spoil too much, at least not yet. The second one is way excellent, as we get the return of a character I’d very greatly missed. The first one is probably even more excellent, and it’s extremely weird that after the horrible PR of hiring crazy Orson Scott Card to write comics, DC didn’t push this very positive development a bit more enthusiastically.

Daredevil #23

Foggy Nelson is looking at some serious medical issues, and his pal Matt Murdock takes him on an outing over New York’s streets as Daredevil. But Matt gets called out on a real emergency — a bunch of people with his extreme sensory powers are running loose in the city, and Daredevil has to stop them. Who’s behind the attack, and what kind of news is Foggy going to receive?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Well, listen, the action is great, the mystery is fine, but what really makes this a glorious piece of storytelling is the last two pages.

Today’s Cool Links:

• RIP comic artist Scott Clark.
• A documentary about how Batman helps make the world more awesome? Yeah, I’ll back that project.
• If you’ve seen the movie “Argo,” here’s the amazing artwork that Jack Kirby contributed for the the fake film.
• A nicely done article about how Chris Claremont’s X-Men comics moved female superheroes out of the backwards ’60s and into the modern world.
• Here’s a fun interview with horror and genre actor Jeffrey Combs.

The Friday Society by Adrienne Kress

So here’s this fun little novel I stumbled across — it’s set around the turn of the century in London and stars three young women with interesting talents and general dissatisfaction with the way their lives are working out. Cora is a scientific and engineering genius who is frustrated that her boss, an MP and a genius in his own right, doesn’t seem to appreciate all she does. Nellie is an assistant for a famous magician, and while he does appreciate and support her, she dreams of having her own adventures. Michiko is a young Japanese woman, superbly trained as a samurai, but with limited skills in English and yoked to an abusive egomaniac.

What brings them together, besides random chance, is a villain — an ominous, powerful foe known as the Fog — who’s roaming the streets at night murdering prominent gentlemen and innocent flower girls, breaking into the Tower of London to steal the Crown Jewels, and eventually staging a daring and destructive attack on the entire city. The police are helpless, the greatest men in the nation are clueless, so what hope can we expect from a girl trained in the construction of steampunk weaponry, another girl who knows more about sleight-of-hand, trickery, acrobatics, and thievery than anyone else in the city, and another girl who is one of the most skilled martial artists in the nation? And if they know that their actions could have serious repercussions, what sort of disguises will they devise to protect themselves?

Verdict: Thumbs up. I’m not normally all that big on steampunk — I love it in theory, but it often doesn’t live up to my expectations. Still, I loved the stuffings out of this book — partly because it wasn’t entirely a steampunk story. You can’t expect a lot of faithfully rendered Victorian/Edwardian attitude — it’s really very anachronistic, as all three of our main characters generally talk and act like modern-day women. Honestly, I think that’s fine — this was designed as a young adult novel, specifically to appeal to girls, so I don’t see any problem with having our characters think like more modern women.

Which brings us to our characters themselves — Cora, Nellie, and Michiko are all total winners as characters. Cora brings the frustrated snark along with the brainy science, Nellie is part girly-girl, part swashbuckler, all enthusiasm, and Michiko is controlled, quiet, and generally confused by almost everything Cora and Nellie do. And they all work together really well. They all get individual moments to shine, and they all get moments where they shine as a team. They even get moments where they fail to shine, just to show that their not perfect, unstoppable heroes.

I am fairly impressed that Kress specifically planned to have Nellie be the character most fond of stereotypically girly pursuits, primarily for the sake of realism — plenty of girls like dresses and shoes and sparkles while still being awesome, so it makes good sense to give them their own character.

The action’s great, the mystery is fun, the plot twists are entertaining. I suppose I should’ve figured out what kind of disguises they were going to come up with, but I didn’t, so that added to the fun, too.

If I’ve got a criticism, I’d say I wish Michiko had known a bit more English. There were too many scenes that featured Cora and Nellie talking to each other while Michiko stood by silently. But hopefully, that will be less of a problem in the sequels (and I hope there are sequels on the way).

It’s a good book. Go pick it up.

People, I don’t have much of anything I want to blog about today, so I’m just gonna sit here and deliberately stir up trouble.

What I am about to reveal here is the complete, objective truth.

For example:

Who was the best Green Lantern?

Answer: Kyle Rayner.

No, definitely not Hal Jordan. He’s always been a shallow, generally uninteresting character. “Fearless test pilot” isn’t a personality all by itself, and the people out there who seem to freakin’ worship Hal strike me as some of the weirdest people on earth. Yes, that includes the “Hal’s Emerald Attack Team” fanatics and Geoff Johns. As for the rest of them, Guy Gardner’s generally fun, but he’s mostly a gag character. I like John Stewart, especially in the Justice League cartoons. Simon Baz is too new. But Kyle, the last Green Lantern, uncertain, awkward, crab-masked, completely aware of his own fears, freelance artist with the no-yellow-impurity power ring? Kyle was the best.

Who was the best Flash?

Answer: Wally West.

Definitely, definitely not Barry Allen. Having a crew cut and a bow tie makes him the *worst* Flash. Wally was funnier, cooler, more interesting in every possible way — and of course, he was far, far, far faster.

Who was the best Robin?

Answer: Dick Grayson.

Really, I guess the best answer would be “Anyone but Jason Todd.” Because I really like all of the Robins. But Dick was the first Robin, he was Robin for the longest time, and he eventually ended up being the best possible Nightwing, so I’m giving the circus kid the crown.

Who was the best Batgirl?

Answer: Stephanie Brown.

Not to take anything away from Barbara Gordon or Cassandra Cain, because they were pretty cool, but as grim and gritty as the Bat-verse generally is, it was just plain awesome to get to read a Bat-title every month where the lead character wasn’t an emotionally-crippled basket case. Steph was fun and funny and had the best dialogue.

Who was the best Aquaman?

Answer: Bearded, hook-handed Aquaman.

Because I don’t care who writes him, the clean-shaven, orange-shirted nonentity from “Super Friends” just sucks on every possible level.

Who was the best Hawkgirl?

Answer: Kendra Saunders.

Mostly because I liked the idea of a Hawkgirl who, at least initially, didn’t want to be the back half of “Hawkman and” — she didn’t love Hawkman, and she wanted to be her own person. She was even in relationships with people other than Hawkman. Eventually, she fell in love with Hawkman in a way that felt more organic, realistic, and worthwhile, and that was fine with me. She certainly didn’t deserve to get exit-stage-lefted the way she did…

Who was the best Green Arrow?

Answer: The one with the beard.

I liked Connor Hawke, but he’d never be the equal of his dad. And Ollie without a beard just looks like a dork, so he’s gotta have the ridiculous beard.

Who was the best Hulk?

Answer: Angry green stupid Hulk.

I liked the Professor Hulk, actually. And the Green Scar was cool. Joe Fixit is always fun. But angry green stupid Hulk is the strongest one there is.

Who was the best Spider-Man?

Answer: The Peter Parker married to Mary Jane Watson.

Because Spider-Man isn’t Otto Octavius, and he doesn’t make deals with the Devil.

What are the best zombies? Fast or slow?

Answer: Slow zombies.

To quote Max Brooks: “Ha ha, there are no such things as fast zombies!”

So there we go, friends and neighbors, all the mysteries of life cleared up. Go on about your business, please.

Holy cow, people, we got an absolute marathon set up for tonight’s edition of Friday Night Fights, so let’s get straight into it.

From February 1984’s What If? #43 by Peter B. Gillis and Bob Hall, we’ve got mighty Conan of Cimmeria — “black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet,” to quote “The Phoenix on the Sword” — and something has transported him to 1980s New York City! Can the great barbarian make an honest living in the Big Apple?

Ha ha, NO.

Mighty Conan cares not for paper money. He’s probably one of Ron Paul’s gold hoarders, the poor soul.

But it’s not long before Conan has picked up a good deal of American English and made himself a fair bit of money. So he buys himself some new threads and goes to visit a friend.

Hey, man, that suit is you! You’ll get some leg tonight for sure! Tell us how you do!

But listen, it’s a Marvel comic book, and that means eventually, there’s gonna be superheroes. And then, there’s gonna be lots and lots of fighting.

All hail Conan! All hail King Conan!