I’ve never been able to figure out which comic this panel came from (which is why I’ve never used it for Friday Night Fights), but it never fails to make me happy.

I bet if you were ever around during a fight where Thor and the Hulk were smashing cars around, you’d need to go to the bathroom, too.

((ADDENDUM: In the comments, Habbakuk identifies the issue as “The Incredible Hulk #300 – mindless Hulk post-Secret Wars rampaging and being fought by all the different heroes before being banished by Doctor Strange to The Crossroads.” Many thanks, Habakkuk!))

The Incredible Hercules #136

Hercules, disguised as Thor, has been conned into helping the Dark Elves invade Earth. Luckily, there’s someone on hand to stop him — Thor, disguised as Hercules! Most of the rest of this issue is one of the best slugfests I’ve seen in ages, accompanied by Greg Pak’s impossibly awesome sound effects, like SUKKKAPUNCH and WHATAMANNNN and GODDATHUNDAAA and THORRRRULZ and GOTCHAGAAAIN and BACKATCHA and, for whatever bizarre reason, SHOKKAKAAAAAN! Maybe that means we can look forward to sound effects like ARRRREETHAFRANNKLINNN and JAAAAAMESBROOWWWWNNN!

Verdict: Thumbs waaaaaay up. This was just so absolutely fantastic — definitely the most fun and enjoyable comic I picked up this week. Go get it, people! Don’t wait!

Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes #16

It’s a teamup with Spider-Woman, the Beast, and Giant-Girl (now experimenting with new shrinking powers that let her operate as the Wasp and Giant-Girl at almost the same time) as they try to unravel the mystery of what blasted Hercules all the way from the moon to the Earth. They know HYDRA is involved somehow, but their only lead in the case is a piece of paper Herc left behind with a bunch of cryptic and goofy clues. Tracing Hercules’ steps, they find that, well, Hercules really likes the ladies, really likes to eat, really likes to have his ego stoked. Can the heroes figure out what HYDRA is up to and what Hercules got himself into?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Giant-Girl’s new Wasp powers were handled very amusingly, and the slow, piecemeal discovery of Hercules’ misadventures was also fun. On the whole, it’s good all-ages superhero fun, and that’s good enough for me.

Tiny Titans #15

As you might expect from this cover, this issue features an astounding number of bunnies.

It’s time for another meeting of the Pet Club, with Alfred laying down his ground rules to make sure that Stately Wayne Manor doesn’t filled with bubbles again. Supergirl is back, with all her super-pets, including Beppo the Super-Monkey, and Zatara, the boy magician, is back, too, bringing his pet bunny Abby. Hey, remember what happened the last time Beppo and Zatara were together? That’s right, Beppo got hold of Zatara’s magic wand and turned all the Titans into monkeys! So what happens this time?

Soooo many bunnies… Soooo much Cute Overload… And “Ka-Bunny!” may be the greatest sound effect in history.

We also get treated to Rose Wilson babysitting the Tiny Terror Titans, Li’l Disruptor, Dreadbolt, Miss Persuader (and her Atomic Toothbrush), and Copperhead. She shows the kids what’s under her eyepatch, then makes them some hot nachos. You wouldn’t think something so simple would be so good, but it is. And finally, there’s a quick epilogue where one of the bunnies reveals a completely unexpected secret.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Vast fun, made even better with a multitude of impossibly cute bunnies. Of all the all-ages books I read (and I’m still surprised that I read and enjoy so many of them), I think this is the one I always look forward to the most.

Tiny Titans #10

We got a bit more focused story this time, with Supergirl and Batgirl as our two main characters. They’re gonna go hang out with the Titans, but they’ve forgotten to feed their pets! So Streaky the Super-Cat and Ace the Bathound head off to look for them. They barely miss their owners at Titans Treehouse, then it’s off to Gotham for a picnic, where the girls get grossed out by Kroc eating garbage and take off to Metropolis. But there, they have to deal with Bizarro who eats potato chips much too noisily. Will Streaky and Ace ever catch up to their owners and get their dinner?

Verdict: Thumbs up. At least partly for this:

That’s the “Tiny Titans” version of Killer Croc. And one of the sound effects is actually “GARBAGE!” That’s just plain awesome.

PS238 #35

Tyler Marlocke has finally been cured of his alien xenovirus, thanks to a transfusion of Susie Finster’s superpowered red blood cells. Unfortunately, his clone has gotten superpowers – and he’s being piloted by an angel and a demon who can’t agree on how to make him fly and are willing to make him look good by turning innocent people into supervillains for him to defeat. In fact, every time he uses his powers, something bizarre and unexpected happens. What’s the cause of all this? It seems that the parents of half-demon/half-angel Malphast have decided they’re willing to upset the natural order just to see their son…

Verdict: Thumbs up. This one is always lots of fun. I got no idea how they’re going to clear up all the problems with Tyler and his clone.

Tiny Titans #9

The lengthier storyline this time concerns Beppo the Super-Monkey getting hold of a magic wand and then turning everyone into monkeys. This leads, as expected, to an awful lot of hijinx and monkeyshines. We also get to meet the Atom’s family (Snap! Snap!) as they hang out in Batgirl’s flowerbed.

Verdict: Not much happening here, but I’m still giving it a thumbs up, because it included Mallah the Super-Cute Beret-Wearing Gorilla, as well as a sound effect that just said “Monkey”. That’s absolutely awesome, people.

Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes #4

Iron Man, Spider-Man, and the Hulk hang out together, beat up a bank robber, and then discover that the sonic-powered supervillain called Klaw the Unconquerable has a new career: country-western singer. And he performs wearing his supervillain costume, wearing his funky little megaphone in place of his hand, and wearing a spiffy little cowboy hat on top of the whole thing. It’s not the most surreal thing I’ve ever seen in a comic book, but it’s gotta be close. So is Klaw’s new passion of twangy music legit, or is this just another scheme?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Supervillains as country music stars — I swear, that’s absolutely brilliant. And yeah, the other characters are great. The interplay between Spidey, Shellhead, and Greengenes is outstanding. Hulk seems to get the most laughlines — his attempts to live the country-music lifestyle are very funny, and it’s nice that he’s so fond of his pants — but Spidey and Iron Man get their share of great lines, too. Heck, even Klaw’s band members are pretty nicely depicted.

Bahlactus speaks, and he demands nothing less than FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS! And even better, he wants a bunch of girl fights! Girl fights! It’s like Christmas! No, it’s better than Christmas! It’s ATOMIC CHRISTMAS!

Tonight, we get our double-X-chromosomed violence from 1998’s C.H.I.X. #1 with Adam Warren and Tom Simmons. Here, Sistah Ninja’s mad leet ninja skillz prove no match for Good Girl’s middle finger…

“PLIK” is an excellent sound effect.

 

Tiny Titans #7

Starfire takes the rest of the Tiny Titans into space with her so they can visit her home planet and help her clean her room. But it takes a long time to travel through space — how will the Titans keep from getting in trouble for getting home so late? All that, plus Psimon plays checkers with Mallah and the Brain.

Verdict: Thumbs up. It’s the little things that make this so cool, like the way the shark toy eats the heck out of the Aquaman toy, Raven reading a “Patrick the Wolf Boy” comic, and especially the sound effects. When someone walks into a scene, the sound effects are: “Walk Walk Walk Walk.” And cleaning Starfire’s room gets sound effects like “Sweep Dust Pick Carry Put” — dang it, “Put” is a purely awesome sound effect. On top of all that, there is nothing in this world cuter than the Tiny Titans version of Monsieur Mallah and the Brain.

 

Atomic Robo: Dogs of War #1

Atomic Robo, an intelligent robot created in 1923 by Nikola Tesla, gets drafted to help fight the Nazis during World War II. The Germans have a new super-weapon, and Robo has to get to the Nazi’s secret lab in time to destroy them. Can he do it? Not if they want to keep this miniseries going for another four issues…

Verdict: Come on, it’s got robots fighting Nazis! Of course it’s a thumbs up! Robo is such a cool character, and Scott Wegener’s art is a lot of fun. There’s also quite a bit of regular wartime action, much of it done by non-robots, which is a good thing — it’s important for us to get to know the troops who will soon be threatened by those Nazi super-weapons.

 

I Kill Giants #1

A weird little story starring a fifth grader named Barbara Thorson. The local social outcast, Barbara smarts off to her teachers and family, wears bunny ears in class, abuses the other kids in her D&D games, and is absolutely obsessed with hunting and killing giants.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Like I said, a weird little story, but I love these kinds of character studies.

Well, Bahlactus has requested all black-and-white battles for the current round of Friday Night Fights, which is too bad, ’cause I keep running across great fights that look awesome in color and just awful in monochrome. Still, one must persevere, and I found one this week that didn’t look too muddy…

From 2007’s Deadpool-GLI Summer Fun Spectacular by Dan Slott, Fabian Nicieza, and Kieron Dwyer: the mighty Squirrel Girl boots Deadpool in the butt.

 

Love that “SPANQ” sound effect…

You may find yourself thinking, “Self, I want more from my Friday nights than just gratuitous violence, horrendous beatings, and drunken barroom brawls. I want love, happiness, peace on earth, a friendly game of foosball, and a can of domestic light beer. Is that so much to ask?” Well, frankly, yes, it is. Please don’t bother us with your sick, disgusting fantasies of Friday nights without fights. Because we normal folk prefer FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

From “The Mother of the Movement” by Darwyn Cooke and J. Bone, from DC’s recent Justice League: The New Frontier Special, Wonder Woman, with Black Canary along for the ride, encounters a small horde of male chauvinist punching-bags in a local gentlemen’s club:

 

“Hola, dogs!” is our Phrase of the Weekend, by the way. Make sure you say it to someone before Monday hits.

Anyway, this leads to some of the best comic-book sound effects I’ve seen so far this year.

 

By the way, folks, when you’re facing an angry Amazon, your best weapon is probably not a Zippo lighter and a snifter of brandy, okay?

 

 

Luckily, Wondy isn’t harmed by — Whoa, wait a minute!

 

Oh my.

 

Oh my.

 

A little pain, a little pleasure. That’s what Friday Night Fights is all about. Hola, dogs!

Mighty Bahlactus decrees that Friday nights are alright for fighting, and when Bahlactus decrees, we must obey!

From the final issue of “Major Bummer” by John Arcudi and Doug Mahnke:

That’s a time-traveling alien with six arms using one superhero as a club to beat up an older version of that same superhero. And yes, the word “Bludgeon” is repeatedly used as a sound effect.

That’s why they had to cancel the comic — they broke DC’s printing press with Pure Brain-Breaking Awesome-osity.