Well, my children, it’s the end of another thoroughly gruesome week, and one measly weekend just ain’t really gonna settle things down for us. But it’ll help. So let’s celebrate while we can with everyone’s favorite: FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from February 1983’s Marvel Two-in-One #96 by Tom DeFalco, Ron Wilson, and Mike Esposito. Ben Grimm is stuck in the hospital after a rough battle, and now a whole bunch of supervillains are on the way to finish him off.

But Marvel’s superheroes aren’t gonna let Aunt Petunia’s favorite nephew down, are they?

That’s a bunch of Marvel’s greatest superheroes beating up on the Rhino, MODOK, and a bunch of Moloids. Not a bad way to kick off the weekend, is it?

Well now, lads and lassies, if we’re going into another weekend, I think we’re going to want to start things off right, don’t you think? No, that doesn’t mean you get to start your weekend with a glass of warm milk or a half-dozen fiber pills or a wild evening of darning your socks. That means we’re going to start things off with… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s big fight comes to us from October 2010’s Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes #5 by Paul Tobin, the always awesome Chris Cross, and Rick Ketcham. Captain America has traveled to a small town stuffed full of HYDRA agents to help the Rhino, of all people, rescue an adorable baby rhinoceros. Hey, what happens when the Rhino fights a truck?

That should be your cue, lads and lassies, to head out, get your horn on, and truck things up this weekend.

Another weird and vaguely irritating week has finally past, and that means it’s time for all weekend-loving peoples to get ready for FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

This week’s brawl comes courtesy of September 1991’s Silver Surfer #54 by Ron Marz, Ron Lim, and Tom Christopher, in which we are treated to the sight of the Rhino beating the Silver Surfer with… a gumball machine.

That’s some whallop. I wonder how the Surfer wrigley’d his way out of that one.

Yeah. I said it.