The Incredible Hercules #137

This issue focuses on Amadeus Cho, Hercules’ former sidekick and the seventh smartest person in the world, in his struggle against Pythagoras Depree, the sixth smartest person in the world. In fact, a lot of it is told in flashback, as we learn about what happened the day Amadeus learned he was a super-genius and his parents were killed. We also get a short life history of Dupree, an abused orphan who was briefly championed by Athena, goddess of wisdom. And finally, Dupree challenges Amadeus to one final game — the winner gets to walk away with the knowledge that he’s the smartest. The loser doesn’t get to walk away at all. Can Amadeus hope to prevail?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Great art and dialogue. Nice manipulations by Athena, but that’s what we expect from gods, right? Brilliant game-playing strategy by Amadeus, too. All-around wonderful issue.

Assault on New Olympus #1

And the followup brings Hercules and Amadeus back together, though they’re still not seeing eye-to-eye. Hera is running a giant megacorp called the Olympus Group, and she’s crazy enough to have decided that she wants to destroy the world so another, more awful god can’t do it instead. The monkeywrench that gets thrown into the works is Hebe, the goddess of youth and the long-neglected wife of Hercules — she’s working at a homeless shelter run by Aunt May, and she’s off on a date with Peter Parker! But when Herc finds out abou the date, he’s not happy, and Spider-Man isn’t really tough enough to go toe-to-toe with a god. And in the backup story, the Agents of Atlas try to prevent the mentally dominated Venus from leading multitudes of hypnotized people into the mouth of a horrific squid-god named Phorcys.

Verdict: Another thumbs up. Basically, this is a bonus issue of “Hercules,” so if you love that comic — and you should — then you’ll love this one, too. The one-sided battle between Herc and Spidey is pretty amusing, though you gotta wonder if a notorious womanizer like Herc would really get so bent out of shape about his wife, who he hadn’t seen in 3,000 years, kissing someone. And the Agents of Atlas story is also pretty good, with Phorcys making a truly horrific opponent.

The Incredible Hercules #136

Hercules, disguised as Thor, has been conned into helping the Dark Elves invade Earth. Luckily, there’s someone on hand to stop him — Thor, disguised as Hercules! Most of the rest of this issue is one of the best slugfests I’ve seen in ages, accompanied by Greg Pak’s impossibly awesome sound effects, like SUKKKAPUNCH and WHATAMANNNN and GODDATHUNDAAA and THORRRRULZ and GOTCHAGAAAIN and BACKATCHA and, for whatever bizarre reason, SHOKKAKAAAAAN! Maybe that means we can look forward to sound effects like ARRRREETHAFRANNKLINNN and JAAAAAMESBROOWWWWNNN!

Verdict: Thumbs waaaaaay up. This was just so absolutely fantastic — definitely the most fun and enjoyable comic I picked up this week. Go get it, people! Don’t wait!

Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes #16

It’s a teamup with Spider-Woman, the Beast, and Giant-Girl (now experimenting with new shrinking powers that let her operate as the Wasp and Giant-Girl at almost the same time) as they try to unravel the mystery of what blasted Hercules all the way from the moon to the Earth. They know HYDRA is involved somehow, but their only lead in the case is a piece of paper Herc left behind with a bunch of cryptic and goofy clues. Tracing Hercules’ steps, they find that, well, Hercules really likes the ladies, really likes to eat, really likes to have his ego stoked. Can the heroes figure out what HYDRA is up to and what Hercules got himself into?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Giant-Girl’s new Wasp powers were handled very amusingly, and the slow, piecemeal discovery of Hercules’ misadventures was also fun. On the whole, it’s good all-ages superhero fun, and that’s good enough for me.

Detective Comics #857

So it’s the end of our first storyarc, as Kate Kane bails on the ritzy party to fight Alice and her goons. Abbot and his shapeshifting pals tag along to help out. Alice has kidnapped Kate’s father, a colonel at the local military base — the plan is to take a big shipment of chemical weapons, hijack a plane over Gotham, and gas the whole city into extinction. No big spoiler that Batwoman saves the city — it’s what happens during her confrontation with Alice that’s really interesting. In the backup feature, the Question continues her investigation of the kidnapping ring.

Verdict: Thumbs up. I haven’t really said enough about the amazing artwork here by J.H. Williams III. Every panel is a masterpiece of design and layout — perhaps none better than the first three pages, especially the way pages 2 and 3 mirror each other, or the yin-yang battle between Batwoman and Alice. This is developing into one of the richest and most rewarding comics out there, and you should go pick yourself up a copy as soon as you can.

The Incredible Hercules #135

Hercules’ name may be on the cover, but he doesn’t actually appear inside this issue. Instead, the emphasis is all on boy genius Amadeus Cho, who is simultaneously playing D&D with as a child with evil boy genius Pythagoras Dupree, and fighting during World War II against Doctor Japanazi, the Man with Two Evil Axis Brains! But does Amadeus have a chance to win when his foes are able to determine everything that can happen to him?

Verdict: Thumbs up. This is the most abstractly brainy comic I’ve read in a while, and what makes that even more awesome is that it didn’t make me feel like a moron when I read it. Sure, it’s got crazy theoretical comic-book super-science, but it’s crazy theoretical comic-book super-science that I can understand. On top of that, the D&D theme is fun, and Dr. Japanazi is pure hilarious.

The Incredible Hercules #134

Hercules is disguised as Thor in a bid to stop the Dark Elves before they attack the mortal realm. He’s babysitting his amnesiac father, Zeus, inconveniently de-aged to childhood, but still possessing many of his godly powers. After briefly battling a bunch of marauding trolls, they then run from them, then ally with them, then turn on them again.

And when they get to the castle of Queen Alfyse of the Dark Elves, instead of battling, Hercules, as usual, lets himself be fooled by a beautiful woman. He mostly fails the Drow’s tests… but Alfyse is willing to let herself be fooled, too. So a lengthy night of revelry begins, and Herc learns about obscure elvish customs that decree that if he sleeps with the queen, they’re married — and the Dark Elves celebrate the wedding by preparing to invade the mortal realms. Luckily, Asgard’s Warriors Three have a plan to stave off disaster…

Verdict: Thumbs up. Even if I hadn’t loved every page of this comic, from Zeus’ exasperation with his demigod son to Herc’s semi-clueless references to Midgard pop culture, this would’ve been worth six or eight thumbs-ups just for the plot twist on the last page, which actually had me laughing out loud because it was so wonderful.

The Brave and the Bold #27

Robby Reed, owner of the legendary H-Dial that lets him transform into different superheroes, is visiting Gotham City with his grandfather, just as the Joker decides that he’s finally waited long enough, he’s not getting any younger, and it’s time to kill off the Batman once and for all. What follows is an intense city-wide crime spree designed to wear the Dark Knight out. When Robby spins the dial to try to help out, he comes up with a precog super-psychic called Mental Man — and when he looks into the future, what he sees scares him so badly that he gives up, turns back into Robby, and runs off to huddle under his bedcovers.

The next day, a desperate hard-luck case named Travers Milton breaks into the Reeds’ motel room to steal a few valuables and snags the H-Dial. When he spins it, he turns into a flying brick called the Star. He quickly gets busy saving lives and meets up with Batman — Milton’s background in the underworld means he knows a lot of the details about the ongoing crime wave, which he eagerly shares with Bats. The Star runs off to fight crime and save more lives, and in the end, he saves Batman from a bomb the Joker had left for him, but at the cost of his own life. Batman later returns the H-Dial to Robby, who reveals that his psychic powers revealed that the next person to use the dial would die, so he chickened out and left it for someone else to use instead. Bats says he’s okay with this, because it gave a no-hope loser like Milton the opportunity to be a real hero.

Verdict: Thumbs down. I actually liked most of this comic, but that bizarre ending, where Batman shrugs off Robby’s spectacularly craven cowardice, is a complete deal-killer. It’s actually monumentally out-of-character for both Batman and Robby, and I can’t thumbs-up a story that screws up those characterizations so easily.

The Incredible Hercules #132

This has been recommended to me by enough people that I decided it was time I checked it out. Our story this issue: Hercules is traveling with a disguised Athena and a magically de-aged and amnesiac Zeus. Athena stays behind to fight off some harpies, and soon, Herc and Zeus come to the aid of Balder the Brave as he’s attacked by a bunch of dark elves and a troll. Balder recruits Herc to battle the queen of the dark elves as she makes plans to conquer the world. But since the elves fear Thor, Hercules must travel to their realm in disguise — hence, the costume change on the cover. But as Hercules and Zeus head out for the battle, is Balder hiding something from the heroes?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Wonderful dialogue, excellent action, and some awesome imagery, too. The best moment has got to be Zeus rediscovering how to throw lightning — it’s not often you’ll see a shirtless eight-year-old in a dress look so thoroughly badass.

The Incredible Hercules #133

In this issue, we follow Herc’s former sidekick, Amadeus Cho, the Seventh Smartest Person on Earth. He’s traveling by bus across the country as he tries to find his missing sister and find out who killed his parents. He makes his stop in the small ghost town of Excello, a former soap-making company town with a few very bizarre quirks. For one thing, the town tends to disappear when you’re not looking at it. People tend to just show up out of nowhere, and they’ve all got a weird fixation on the Master Mind Excello Radio Hour, the quiz show where Amadeus learned he was the Seventh Smartest Person on Earth. Oh, and all the people seem to be nothing but evil flying glowing brains. A federal agent shows up to help him, but do they stand any chance against Pythagoras Dupree, the Sixth Smartest Person in the World?

Verdict: Another thumbs up. Again, very nice dialogue, and the double flashbacks — to Amadeus’ adventures with Hercules and to Amadeus’ own origin — are very well done. We don’t get to see much of the villain, but he certainly sounds interesting enough. And the town of Excello is plenty creepy. I think I’m enjoying this series enough to add it to my regular pull-list…

I dearly love Charles Dickens’ classic story “A Christmas Carol.” I’ve loved it since I was a kid, almost certainly because I was attracted to its horror elements, and I’ve always loved horror.

Of course, I also love the fact that it almost single-handedly created what we now think of as the modern Christmas celebration. No one much celebrated Christmas when Dickens wrote this book — it had been considered a minor holiday ever since Oliver Cromwell banned it in the 1600s. “A Christmas Carol” was insanely popular when it was published — in London, it sold something like 6,000 copies a week, for at least a while, and it sparked a new interest in supposedly traditional celebrations of the Yuletide. If you like the idea of getting a day off at Christmas, you have Charles Dickens to thank for it — it was unheard of until “A Christmas Carol.”

No matter the reason I first discovered it, I do love the story now. I’ve read it multiple times, sometimes multiple times during a single Christmas season, and I’ve seen nearly all of the movies based on the book. (My favorite is the one from 1984 that starred George C. Scott. Lots of excellent scenery-chewing, plus David Warner, Edward Woodward — the Equalizer! — as Christmas Present, and an outstandingly terrifying Christmas Future.) I’ve even got significant chunks of the book memorized.

Now “A Christmas Carol” gets adapted to comic form pretty often, from close adaptations from “Classics Illustrated” to much looser adaptations starring the Teen Titans, the Outsiders, and, well, Scrooge McDuck. But let’s say you wanted to make a really loose adaptation of the book starring characters from multiple comic companies to make the Ultimate Comic Book Christmas Carol? Who would you put in it? Frankly, I don’t care, ’cause here’s who I’d pick as the stars.

Ebenezer Scrooge, portrayed by Tony Stark

Yeah, you thought it was gonna be Dr. Sivana or the Vulture, ’cause they’re old and creaky. Nope, the most important part of Scrooge’s character isn’t his age or even his miserliness — it’s his redemption. Can you imagine the Vulture or Thaddeus Bodog Sivana reforming? Heck, no! But let’s take Iron Man — he’s spent the last few years as Marvel’s most prominent villain. He ran around like Dick Cheney in powered armor, shot the Hulk into space, took over the S.H.I.E.L.D. spy agency, outlawed any superheroes who didn’t work for him, depowered the She-Hulk, and arrested Captain America.

This is definitely a guy who needs some serious redemption. And everyone knows he can do it, ’cause he’s been a hero before. But you can’t just go poof, pow, Iron Man’s back to normal, ’cause there’s no motive for him to change his ways. But if you got him visits by three spirits at Christmastime, maybe that’d be enough to get him to see where he’s gone wrong and resolve to be a good superhero again…

Marley’s Ghost, portrayed by the Phantom Stranger

And again, you were expecting someone different, weren’t you? Maybe Deadman or Ghost Rider or the Funky Phantom. But I’m going with the Phantom Stranger. Most depictions of Marley’s ghost focus on his ghostly aspects, which makes perfect sense, but Marley is also a figure of mercy — he arranges for the hauntings to save Scrooge from his own fate, and serves as an object lesson of the dangers of greed.

So where does the Phantom Stranger come in? Well, in the only origin of the character that matters (because it was written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Joe Orlando), he was once an angel who chose to sit on the fence during Lucifer’s revolt. He was cast out of Heaven, but was unwelcome in Hell, so he was doomed to wander forever, helping people where he may. He may not be frightening, and he may not drag heavy chains around, but he seems like he’d fit well into Marley’s spectral shoes.

The Ghost of Christmas Past, portrayed by Dazzler

Depictions of the Ghost of Christmas Past are pretty wildly varied — young, elfin children, elderly ladies, Cupid-like figures, even a Brooklyn cabbie. But Dickens’ story has the final say in the matter – Dickens depicts the ghost as a white-robed figure who has a bright, blinding light on his/her/its head, like a bright candle flame.

So the theme I’ll go with here is light, and Marvel’s mutant disco queen is the best-known light controller in comics. Not a ghost, not a spirit, but if Dickens’ story can survive having the character played by David Johansson, Kathy Griffin, Jiminy Cricket, and various old people dressed up in white robes, I think it can survive Dazzler.

The Ghost of Christmas Present, portrayed by Hercules

This one was the easiest pick I had. Dickens’ novel says the Ghost of Christmas Present is a jolly, boisterous, laughing giant with brown hair and a full beard. He wears a green robe and has a holly wreath on his head. He loves drink, feasting, and merriment.

And the Marvel Comics character Hercules is also a jolly, boisterous, laughing giant with brown hair and a full beard. He wears green and yellow clothing, and though he doesn’t have a holly wreath, his head is framed by headgear. He loves drink, feasting, and merriment. Hercules fits the Ghost of Christmas Present absolutely perfectly.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, portrayed by Death

I’m really going to break with tradition here. In virtually every adaptation of Dickens’ novel, the Ghost of Christmas Future is silent, shrouded, and wet-your-pants scary. I went through a ton of characters trying to find the right match. Darkness-controlling characters like the Shroud, Cloak, Nightshade, Obsidian, and the Shade weren’t scary enough. The best known comics characters who wear hoods or shrouds — the Time Trapper, Raven, Destiny of the Endless — also aren’t particularly terrifying. I considered Ghost Rider again, but though he’s scary enough, he’d be less likely to hint to Scrooge about his death and more likely to, you know, hit him with chains and run him over with his motorcycle several times.

But Christmas Future is also generally considered to be an incarnation of the Grim Reaper — Death incarnate. And I gotta admit, the idea of re-imagining the scariest spirit in the Dickens’ book as the Sandman’s older sister, a chipper goth girl who no one messes with because she’s still Death is something that really appeals to me. So what the heck, it’s my party, and I’ll cast Death as Christmas Future if I want to.

So there we go — there’s my new all-comics cast of “A Christmas Carol.” Don’t like it? Think I don’t understand Dickens’ novel correctly? Think I should’ve totally cast Spider-Man as Tiny Tim? Too bad, boyo, gitcher own blog!