Well now, lads and lassies, if we’re going into another weekend, I think we’re going to want to start things off right, don’t you think? No, that doesn’t mean you get to start your weekend with a glass of warm milk or a half-dozen fiber pills or a wild evening of darning your socks. That means we’re going to start things off with… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s big fight comes to us from October 2010’s Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes #5 by Paul Tobin, the always awesome Chris Cross, and Rick Ketcham. Captain America has traveled to a small town stuffed full of HYDRA agents to help the Rhino, of all people, rescue an adorable baby rhinoceros. Hey, what happens when the Rhino fights a truck?

That should be your cue, lads and lassies, to head out, get your horn on, and truck things up this weekend.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, various and sundry, it’s been a rough week, and we’re looking at a too-short weekend. It’s a bad situation, we all know this — just a couple days off, to make up for what they did to us for the past five days? There is injustice there, my friends. But we gotta make the best of it, and the only way I know of to really get the weekend started the right way is with gratuitous violence, preferably delivered in convenient comic book form. Please put your hands together for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from March 1997’s Generation X #25 by Scott Lobdell, Chris Bachalo, Scott Hanna, and Al Vey. Black Tom Cassidy has kidnapped the kids in Generation X and is using some form of mind control — by growing his woody fingers into her brain — to force Emma Frost to fight Banshee. How’s that gonna turn out?

That’ll do it for us this week. See youse mugs on Monday.

Awright, let’s do this — it’s Friday, we’re all ready for the weekend, and the only way to get things started is with a little random comic-book violence! It’s time again for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from September 2010’s Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes #4 by Paul Tobin, Ronan Cliquet, and Amilton Santos. Kraven the Hunter has been working as a mercenary bounty hunter, which means he’s mostly been keeping the Avengers from capturing Deadpool while endangering innocent civilians. Once the team finally has the Merc with a Mouth in custody, it’s time for Captain America to deal with Kraven.

That’s all we got for this week. See you mugs back here on Monday morning.

Time for the weekend! And no time for cleverness! Because it’s time for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s bout comes to us from May 1979’s Justice League of America #166 by Gerry Conway, Dick Dillin, and Frank McLaughlin, as Blockbuster battles the Batman!

That’s it! Go have a great weekend now!

Well, now, I hope y’all all enjoyed Independence Day yesterday. I hope you ate hot dogs and safely blew up firecrackers and enjoyed parades and randomly screamed “AMURICAAA!” as we USAnians are, of course, prone to do. But it doesn’t mean it’s too late to commemorate our national patriotism with a little… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s brawl comes to us from October 1941’s Fight Comics #15 by Dan Zolnerowich and an unknown writer. Here’s some cat calling himself Super-American beating up — I don’t know, Hitler? Mussolini? Hitlerlini? Anyway, FIGHTIN’ AHOY.

And if you don’t get a thrill out of watching a man in a gaudy costume beat up a fascist dictator, well, you best turn in yore Good American card and your Honey Boo-Boo DVD box set…

Well, it’s the last weekend of June, and we all know what that means. It means July is almost here. And it’s going to start getting even hotter and more miserable. But we’ll have to take whatever meager comfort we can get from the weekend and, of course, from… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from January 2013’s Avengers Academy #39 by Christos Gage, Tom Grummett, and Cory Hamscher. In the final issue of the series, Veil is left on the outside, the only member of the team to completely lose her powers. So she goes back to high school. And everyone knows how much high school sucks, right?

Those are what we call “Prepare for an Asskickin'” eyes.

Yeah, the great thing about being a superhero has got to be getting a crash course on how to beat the crap out of everyone in the world.

Y’all have a great weekend — stay cool while you can…

We had a short break from the battles last week, but we’re back on schedule for this weekend. Break out the Funyuns and Yoo-Hoo, kids — it’s time for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from May 2009’s Secret Six #7 by Gail Simone, Nicola Scott, Doug Hazlewood, and Rodney Ramos. Bane has dosed himself with a little Venom, and he’s ready to party!

That’ll do it for me this week — see y’all on Monday morning.

Gaah, just ain’t had a lot of time to find some more battles (I’ve been trying to spend more time doing fun writing, as opposed to blog writing, which is frequently not fun), but Friday Night Fights waits for no one, so here we are.

So tonight, here’s Atomic Robo Free Comic Book Day 2009 (which you can and should read right here) by Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener, as we get to witness the first meeting between Atomic Robo and his arch-nemesis, Dr. Dinosaur!

All hail Dr. Dinosaur! ALL HAIL DR. DINOSAUR!

Okay, kids, it’s another Friday evening, and it’s time for us to get the weekend started in the most violent way possible, as long as the most violent way possible involves posting comic book panels on the Internet! That’s right, it’s time again for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Well, let’s just admit that I’m probably not going to win this week’s voting. I’m okay with that, ’cause this bit made me laugh like a loon when I read it a few weeks back. It’s from World of Archie Digest, the Free Comic Book Day comic from a few weeks back. This bit is from a story called “The Fly,” probably sometime in the mid-1950s, by Frank Doyle, Harry Lucey, and Marty Epp. Let’s watch the festivities, shall we?

And that’s how Archie Andrews stone-cold murdered Reggie Mantle with a textbook. Don’t tell me comics haven’t always been violent!

Holy abalone, kids, it’s a three-day weekend! You don’t know how bad I’ve been needing this, especially the way the last few months have gone. So heck, let’s jump right into our weekend with some… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from September 2007’s Birds of Prey #108 by Gail Simone, Nicola Scott, and Doug Hazlewood. (from one of the BoP collections that DC has inexplicably allowed to go out of print, which means I’ll probably never get a chance to read the full storyline. Why, no, I’m not particularly happy about that at all.)

The modern version of Spy Smasher, one of Babs Gordon’s rivals from college, has been trying to take control of the Birds away from Oracle and reckons she now has Barbara right where she wants her. Babs doesn’t have her operatives, she doesn’t have her computers, she doesn’t have her Eskrima sticks, she doesn’t even have her wheelchair. But none of that matters, because Barbara Gordon is one of the DCU’s foremost badasses.

There we go, people, if that chunk of righteous pain-bringin’ skull-thumpery can’t get you through a nice three-day weekend, you got problems that not even comic books can solve.