Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Friday night, and we are in dire need of some appropriately awesome comic book violence to get our weekend started off right. Would you please put your hands together for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from October 1977’s Marvel Team-Up #62 by Chris Claremont, John Byrne, and Dave Hunt. The Super-Skrull is up to no good, and only Carol Danvers is around to stop him!

Even with a shapeshifting neck, that’s gotta hurt.

I see that the long-awaited third season of the BBC’s amazing “Sherlock” series is going to be airing in America on PBS this Sunday. I won’t be able to see it right away — I don’t have cable and can’t even get PBS over the antenna here, so NO SPOILERS, DAMMIT. But never let it be said that I won’t piggyback on someone else’s popularity for the chance to win… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

So anyway, tonight’s battle comes to us from June 2000’s The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1, #5 by Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill, where we get to watch the grand, semi-final battle between Sherlock Holmes and James Moriarty at the Reichenbach Falls.

So there we go, everyone go vote for me. But I swear to Kirby, any of you guys spoil this season, and I will be painting “RACHE” all over the walls with your innards.

It’s been a cold, miserable week for almost all of us, so let’s heat things up for the weekend with some gratuitous violence and… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from October 1979’s Action Comics #500 by Martin Pasko, Curt Swan, Frank Chiaramonte, and Adrienne Roy. Lex Luthor has the Man of Steel right where he wants him — but how will he kill him? Uncontrolled monologuing?

Well, a good kick to the face never goes out of style.

Okay, it’s the first new post and the first Friday Night Fights of 2014. Yay, I think?

Tonight’s battle comes to us from September 1989’s Captain America #357 by Mark Gruenwald, Kieron Dwyer, and Al Milgrom. Diamondback was Cap’s girlfriend at the time, and was investigating a case when she ran into a bunch of supervillains…

Zut Allors! Batroc, you are such zee gentlemain! But your foot is such zee malfaiteur!

Whether you made it onto Santa’s Naughty List or the Nice List, I suspect we’ve all just about had it with Christmas this year. The stores are packed, our fellow shoppers are unpleasant, every store is playing the worst possible Christmas carols over the loudspeakers, and Fox News is waging its own special War on Christmas by trying to make the holiday synonymous with douchebaggery. Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward Men? Not if Santa’s black, dammit!

It’s the last Friday before Christmas, and that means it’s time for holiday-themed mayhem and… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Today’s truly epic battle comes from the DC Comics holiday card from (mumble mumble) a few years ago by Travis and Jordan Kotzebue.

Pshaw, that’s not violent at all! But I’ll allow it anyway, mostly because I couldn’t find any comics that featured Black Santa kicking Megyn Kelly’s racist butt.

Well, the weekend’s here. It’s about time, too. It’s been a rough few weeks, and we got more rough weeks ahead, and I’m really feeling the need for random comic violence. So let’s just jump straight into things with… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from March 1980’s Batman #321 by the dream team of Len Wein, Walter Simonson, and Dick Giordano. The Joker is up to a lot of his usual shenanigans — capturing Gotham citizens, tying them up, threatening them with death, making unfunny jokes — but all the unfunny gets even unfunnier when one of his henchmen forgets to laugh at the boss’s punch lines…

Ahh, the old flag gun gag! The classics never go out of style!

Well, looks like we’re back in the saddle again. The weekend’s here, I’m socked in by an ice storm, and it’s time for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

In honor of the cold weather I’m suffering through, let’s pull tonight’s battle from March 2004’s The Flash #206 by Geoff Johns and Alberto C. Dose. Yeah, this is back in the days before Johns started to suck quite so relentlessly. Anyway, the Flash is trying to bring in Mr. Element, who’s been committing murders and framing Captain Cold for the crimes. Turns out the real Captain Cold isn’t too happy about that.

Let’s hope the power stays on here, or I’m gonna get flash-frozen myself…

We’re doing things a bit different today. SpaceBooger has requested we have everything set up and ready to go early today — so here we are, starting the weekend even earlier than normal. We’ll have some reviews a bit later today, but for right now, it’s time for… FRIDAY MORNING FIGHTS!

People, I haven’t won a single match in this latest set of 12 rounds of Friday Night Fights — and I’m actually A-OK with that. It means I don’t have to dredge up an extra battle for the prize fight in the next couple weeks — I always have so much trouble finding decent fights for these things, so it means I get a couple weeks rest from worrying about finding good scans. Rest is good. I love rest.

And the last thing I want is to ruin my chance for a little extra rest by screwing up and actually winning this week’s match-up. So I’m throwing the match by posting something that doesn’t actually include any fighting!

So, from 2006’s Defenders: Indefensible by J.M. DeMatteis, Keith Giffen, and Kevin Maguire, here’s magic-slinging cosmic villain Umar very definitely not fighting the Hulk.

Tee Hee!

Aw, poor exhausted Hulk! Poor, happy, exhausted Hulk!

Now go on, you mooks, and don’t vote for me! I need my rest.

It’s been a busy, horrible week, and I’m reliably informed that this weekend will be much too short to make up for it. And after that, another long, busy, horrible week is going to start again. I’m afraid our only recourse is to indulge in… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from November 2012’s Space: Punisher #3 by Frank Tieri and Mark Texeira, in which the Punisher — or, I suppose, the Spaaaaace Punisher — expects to make quick work of Spaaaaace Jarvis.

That’ll do it for me. Please do your best to survive this weekend and the coming workweek. Things have got to get better eventually, right? Right?!

I know, I know, it’s the first day of November, and you’re all Halloweened out. You’ve had all you can stand of monsters and ghosts and devils and terror, and you just want to forget it all and focus on getting ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Well, I have a few things to say about that.

WEAKLINGS! COWARDS! FOOLS! The only thing to commemorate about today is that it’s the first day on our countdown to the next Halloween!

And because we all love Halloween (Yes, you do. Nod your head or I’ll feed you another spoonful of spiders), here’s one more dose of mind-bending horror for tonight’s edition of… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Our battle this evening comes to us from August 1975’s Giant-Size Man-Thing #5 by Steve Gerber, Ed J. Hannigan, and Dan Adkins. Because the only thing worse than a vampire… is a cow.

Merry post-Halloween, kiddies.