It’s the last round of Friday Night Fights for a couple of weeks, because when Bahlactus spends so much time bringin’ the hurt, he needs a little time off to rest. But there will be no rest tonight! Let the pain commence!

From “The Atom #17” by Gardner Fox and Gil Kane:

Professor Ray Palmer provides a quick lesson in X-treme Horsemanship:

First, you gain control of the horse.

Second, you, well, swing on the reins. (Funny shadow on the right edge courtesy of the difficulty of scanning too close to the spines of DC’s Showcase editions.)

Third, you judo-throw the horse!

Let me repeat:

You JUDO-THROW THE HORSE!

I think the Atom’s going home with the Championship Belt in Rodeo Brutality!

From “The Amazing Spider-Man #8” by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko:

Ladieeees and gentlemen, in this corner, weighing in at some normal weight but with very heavy red hair, it’s Flaaaaaash Thoooompson! And in this corner, weighing in at some other normal weight but packing incredible spider strength and agility, it’s Peeeeeter Parrrrrker!

Hmmm, did Spider-Man invent rope-a-dope?

“The Brain is out of control” and “Can’t stop my blow”? Stan Lee was smoking the funny cigarettes.

It’s a “WHOOM!” with a view! Oh man, I crack myself up…

Look at that happy smile! Flash Thompson sure does love his potentially life-threatening concussion and possible spinal and cranial injuries!

As Bahlactus commands, so let it be done!

Bahlactus demands early weekend fisticuffs? LET THERE BE EARLY WEEKEND FISTICUFFS!

Badder than Batman, madder than the Hulk, stronger than Superman, tougher than Wolverine, drunker than Lindsey Lohan — nothing can stop Milk and Cheese!

(There are better and more horrific beatings by these guys that I could’ve used, but this sequence had the least number of F-Bombs, bird-flippings, and random baby-whuppin’s.)

(From Milk and Cheese #666, by Evan Dorkin)

Why does Bahlactus demand Friday Night Fights? No one knows. Maybe he’s just pushy. But we dare not resist. He’s at least nine feet tall, and he eats Chryslers. So on to the punching!

This week, it’s comic writer Ty Templeton vs. a bunch of fanboys who hate Plastic Man. (From 1999’s “Plastic Man Special” by Ty Templeton and Rick Burchett)

I don’t even mind Templeton. Why doesn’t someone write a comic where Rob Liefeld, Michael Turner, or Greg Land get their clocks cleaned?

Mighty Bahlactus decrees that Friday nights are alright for fighting, and when Bahlactus decrees, we must obey!

From the final issue of “Major Bummer” by John Arcudi and Doug Mahnke:

That’s a time-traveling alien with six arms using one superhero as a club to beat up an older version of that same superhero. And yes, the word “Bludgeon” is repeatedly used as a sound effect.

That’s why they had to cancel the comic — they broke DC’s printing press with Pure Brain-Breaking Awesome-osity.

Once again, it’s Friday night, and Bahlactus calls for BATTLE!

From “Stephen Colbert’s Tek Jansen #1” by John Layman, Tom Peyer, and Scott Chantler:

Hey, ya ever wondered what happens to skeleton aliens who taunt Stephen Colbert?

NOTE: That panel sounded totally dirty.

SPLURRCH! SNEPP!

Stuck?! That’s one heck of a kick…

SCHPOP!

It’s violentastic!

As Bahlactus commands: On Friday nights, thou shalt bring the pain.

From “Seven Soldiers: Bulleteer #4” by Grant Morrison and Yanick Paquette:

Catfights are the best when people start hitting each other with car engines.

Bahlactus demands whuppins — SO LET THERE BE WHUPPINS!

From the most recent issue of “Justice Society of America”: Citizen Steel unleashes on some bad guys.

First, he grabs a guy out of the air…

And then he — owww, my gosh, I think he killed him! I’m pretty sure that guy’s skull’s crushed, man…

And I’m pretty sure both those guys are dead, too.

Is this the type of thing we want kids reading? Shouldn’t this stuff be regulated? Can’t we — Oh, wait, they were neo-Nazis? Never mind, killin’ Nazis is legal. I think it’s in the Constitution and everything…

As Bahlactus commands: Friday nights are to commemorated on all comic book blogs by fighting! Fighting! FIGHTING!

Hey, what’s Giant Evil Uncle Sam up to?

Hmm, a good question, Giant Evil Uncle Sam, and one which I have not previously pondered. Any ideas?

Oh, goody!

OH NO HE DIN’T!

(All images from the Darnell and Ross “Uncle Sam” comic. Giant Evil Uncle Sam fights dirty. I like him.)