Sure, sure, we all love Friday Night Fights — and don’t try to pretend you don’t, ’cause I’ll know you’re lyin’! But sometimes, we all need a bit of levity, right? Because usually, Friday Night Fights is dead serious business. So let’s go with one funny guy punching another funny guy in the face.
From JLA #15 by Grant Morrison, Howard Porter, Gary Frank, and Greg Land: Plastic Man gets the drop on the Joker with a long-distance punch:
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The FDA recommends a full day’s supply of mayhem, violence, and butt-kicking every Friday night. You do wanna grow up big and strong, don’tcha? Well, then, you need a heaping dose of FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!
And it’s not just guys who need to get their share of skull-stomping. Girls need to beat the brains out of people, too! So from 1967’s The Inferior Five #1 by E. Nelson Bridwell and Mike Sekowsky:
The panels scanned a bit smaller than I planned, so let’s hit the official transcript:
Panel 1: Bad Girl in Black: “You wouldn’t hit a woman with a baby, would you?”
Dumb Bunny: “No…”
Panel 2: Dumb Bunny: “…I’d hit her with a grown man!”
SFX: BLONK!
I think that’s even more violence than the FDA recommends. If violence was riboflavin, that’d be 64 tons of riboflavin.
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So I called my doctor and said, “Hey, doc, I got a runny nose, wicked awful cough, fever, and I keep having dreams that I’m spontaneously forming my own evil post-human clone-minions from my own supernaturally overabundant snot. What should I do?”
Well, my doctor knows what I need the most. He yells out, top volume: “FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!”
From 1996’s Astro City #4 by Kurt Busiek, Brent E. Anderson, and Will Blyberg: The best ever one-kick takedown of a Paste-Pot Pete analogue by a busboy:
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What’s that you say? You say it’s Friday night, and you can’t get over your mad desire for mayhem, righteous battle, and wanton face-punching? Lucky for you there’s FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!
Let’s tune in for all the action from July 2000’s JSA #12 by David Goyer, Geoff Johns, and Buzz, as Mr. Terrific takes on the evil Kobra. Our combatants warm up with a little friendly name-calling:
“Braggart?!” “Sociopath?!” Much too intellectual. Someone get busy with the nose-pulping and elbow jabs, please.
That’s more like it! Yay for nose-pulping and elbow jabs!
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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, if it’s Friday night, it must be time for Friday Night Fights!
From Birds of Prey #112, by Tony Bedard and David Cole: Lady Blackhawk may be a booze-swilling, short-skirted, hard-fighting, time-tossed temptress, but she always insists on good manners.
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If it’s Friday night, and it’s time to start releasing all that pent-up end-of-week aggression, then it’s definitely time for FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!
Tonight, we’re going back to the only decent weekly comic DC has made in the last few years, 52. From Week 42, by Geoff Johns, Grant Morrison, Greg Rucka, Mark Waid, Darick Robertson, and Keith Giffen: Ralph Dibny unleashes a surprise jawbreaker on Felix Faust!
And with that, Ralph Dibny became the 3,461st DC superhero to clean Felix’s clock. That guy’s gotta be the most pathetic supervillain ever. They should just publish a series of DC heroes and villains beating the stuffing out of Felix — heck, I’m sure it’d be better than “Countdown”…
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Is there anything in the universe that gets the heart pumping hard and fast like a little Friday Night Fights? Anything at all? Anything? Not likely! Well, okay, I can think of one thing that’s likely to get the blood pumping faster. Just one thing. But seriously, who could ever manage to combine Friday Night Fights with Friday Night F– What’s that? Tonight’s fight is from 2001’s Love and Rockets, Vol. II, #3 by Gilbert Hernandez? Wow, LosBros Hernandez are into the chin-hockey, too? Well, let’s see what we’ve got —
Uhhh.
Whuuh.
I’m sorry, I’ve completely forgotten what I was talking about.
Friday Night Fights? Seriously? Whatever. ‘Cause that pic is just, just…
Listen, I, uh, I gotta go over here for a while. Don’t follow me.
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For the past two weeks, you have been utterly lost, bereft of that which sustains us all. It was most fortunate that you had Christmas and New Year’s to distract you from your sorrow, or who knows what could have happened? But have no fear! Your life has meaning again — your life has hope again! Your life has… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!
To kick off this next round of mighty battles, let’s turn to the highly, highly recommended “Planetary/Batman: Night on Earth” from August 2003, by Warren Ellis, John Cassaday, and David Baron, in which the Batman from “The Dark Knight Returns” puts his fist through the Drummer’s mostly defenseless face:
No, that’s not a very large picture, but you’ve spent the past two weeks with a bunch of “Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Men” stuff — I didn’t think you’d be able to deal with a BIG picture of face-punching this severe yet. Maybe next week.
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It’s been a long week, the holiday stress is starting to pile up, ice is forming on your skin. Is there any relief? Yes! You need FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!
From 1997’s “Secret Origins” story from JLA: Secret Files and Origins #1 by Grant Morrison, Mark Millar, Howard Porter, and John Dell: Flash gets an evil, mind-controlling interstellar starfish stuck to his face and proceeds to smack the tar out of the Justice League.
Luckily, Batman knows the perfect way to break people of starfish-hypnosis: SAVAGE BEATINGS.
In any battle between Batman and sushi, always put your money on the guy in the bat-suit.
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Is it Friday? Yes! Is it night? Ehhh, close enough! Is it fightin’ time? Yeaaah! Time for Friday Night Fights!
From 1959’s Our Army at War #81 by Bob Haney and Ross Andru: Sgt. Rock makes his first appearance in comics by doing something that all good Americans should do as often as possible: beating the snot out Nazi punks!
It’s not just violentastic — it’s All-American Violentastic!
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