Well, now, my children, we’ve come up on another weekend, a much-needed break from drudgery and toil, and that means it’s time for us to get our all-too-brief break started with… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from 2000’s World’s Funnest by Evan Dorkin and a ton of artists, including David Mazzucchelli, doing a near-perfect pastiche of Jack Kirby. Mr. Mxyzptlk has chased Bat-Mite to the worst place in the Multiverse: Apokolips!

Is it my imagination, or does Mxy look an awful lot like Kirby himself in that one panel?

Hope y’all have a great weekend, with not too much cosmic destruction and madness…

Alright, kiddies, it’s Friday, time for the weekend, and we need some comic book violence to get things started right. Let’s jump right into… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

This is one of my all-time favorites — possibly the most epic battle ever from Grant Morrison’s run on “JLA” — during the “Rock of Ages” storyline, we get a glimpse into an alternate future where the evil New God Darkseid has taken over the world. So from January 1998’s JLA #14 by Grant Morrison, Howard Porter, and John Dell, here’s the all-powerful Darkseid vs. a guy who shrinks and a guy who shoots arrows:

And the coda to that fight, just because it’s a great coupla lines:

Everyone have a great weekend — I’ll see y’all Monday.

Comics reviews, comics reviews, comics reviews. I need a break. I bet you do, too. So give me your opinions on the absolutely vital question of WHO WOULD WIN?

The combatants:

DC’s Darkseid, Lord of Apokolips, master of the Omega Effect, prophet of Anti-Life, the Rock and the Chain and the Lightning, your New God, now and forever…

…vs. Marvel’s Galactus, Devourer of Worlds, master of the Power Cosmic, immense godlike destroyer, and possessor of the craziest hat ever!

We’ll go for a best-three-out-of-five battle.

Contest 1:

Generic Minion Whomping!

Contest 2:

Clue!

Contest 3:

Cake Baking!

Contest 4:

Dance Marathon!

Contest 5:

Beach Volleyball! (with Desaad and Terrax the Tamer to fill out the teams)

WHO WOULD WIN???

(My picks are in the comments…)

Tiny Titans #18

It all starts quietly enough with a coffee spill in the hallway. Principal Slade calls in the school’s janitor — well, actually, Sidekick Elementary doesn’t have a janitor. Instead, he calls for… Lunch Lady Darkseid!

And he designates the dark god as Janitor for the Day. Which Darkseid is entirely down with, as long as he gets a nice jacket. And because Darkseid is such a control freak, he uses his “authority” to stick Robin in detention. After that, Kroc shows up and busts out the light bulb, creating… the Blackest Night.

Verdict: Thumbs up. It’s a pretty light issue this time, but anything with Lunch Lady Darkseid is a winner for me. Maybe they should give him his own series…

Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes #13

The Sensational She-Hulk pays a visit to Avengers Mansion to visit Spider-Man and Tigra. Shulkie and Tigra convince Spidey to join them for a shopping trip/picnic in the park, but the fun gets derailed by a superpowered bulldog running amok in the city. A bunch of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents soon appear to reveal what’s going on — the bulldog is actually an L.M.D. (Life Model Decoy — err, Doggie), an advanced robot that has been co-opted by the Hulk’s enemy, the Leader, so he can steal data from the super-spy agency. While the heroes join the search, they soon find themselves under attack from hostile robotic pigeons, police horses, and pelicans before the Leader and his giant killer robot make their own appearance.

Verdict: Another thumbs up. Outstanding dialogue and characterization on display here. The entire story is very fun and funny — and like nearly all of Marvel’s all-ages comics, it works great for both kids and adults. Go pick it up!

Just one review today? Sure, but it’s for DC’s very best all-ages comic. And it’s for what appears to be the very best issue of this comic ever.

Tiny Titans #12

Alright, first of all, dig that cover. A nice little bit of subversion to kick things off. All of DC’s mainstream comics this month have had “Faces of Evil” covers with a spotlight on the supervillains. And “Tiny Titans” jumps on that bandwagon with a twist on the concept that’s colorful and funny. I love that.

What’s our plot this time? Well, Trigon, substitute teacher at Sidekick Elementary School, has snagged five tickets to a baseball game, and he wants to take Principal Slade along with him — just to kiss up to the boss a little. Slade decides what the heck, so Slade grabs his kids, Rose and Joseph, and Trigon grabs his daughter, Raven, and they all head out to the ballgame.

With me so far?

Good, ’cause here’s where things get crazy.

It turns out that Darkseid, Lord of Apokolips, Possessor of the Omega Force, Master of the Anti-Life Equation, the Rock, the Chain, and the Lightning…

…is the school’s lunch lady.

So while Slade, Trigon, and their families are at the game, meeting up with, by gum, Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four and his son, Franklin:

…Lunch Lady Darkseid gets to be Principal for a Day.

(And those are the cutest little parademons ever!)

So Darkseid has something really, really awful planned for the Tiny Titans, right? Oh, you betcha. He’s going to make everyone take their final exams early!

Okay, I give up. This is officially the Awesomest Thing in Awesometown.

Verdict: Thumbs way, way up. Dan DiDio, Paul Levitz, Grant Morrison, your services are no longer needed. Art Baltazar and Franco are going to be taking over the DC Universe from now on.

After reading last night’s newest books, I still ain’t got my fill of Dark Side or Darkseid butt-whuppin’. And while there’s a great deal of pain dished out in the third issue of Grant Morrison’s “Mister Miracle” series, the coloration on those pages may be a bit too murky to scan well, especially while Bahlactus is decreeing black-and-white fight scenes. And dangit, most of my comics just don’t have that many scenes of Darkseid beating the snot outta someone — he tends to just stand around scheming with his hands clasped behind his back. So, sorrowfully, I had to dig up a scan from John Byrne and Dick Giordano’s Action Comics #586 from 1987, with Superman beating up on the Big D.

 

 

A serviceable fightfest, Kryptonian, but the Lord of Apokolips never stays down for long…

These two new comics surprised me. I was expecting some fairly predictable superhero hijinx — and there was some of that, sure. But there was something extra plugged in there that I wasn’t expecting to see.

 

The Flash #240

Okay, lately, this comic has not been very good, but this issue showed up and dropped the awesomebomb on me. First, we have previously lame supervillain Spin who’s summoned none other than Gorilla Grodd all the way from Gorilla City in Africa. And Grodd ain’t happy to be here. He ends up freeing a psychic freak that Spin used to control his powers, and that means Spin’s mind-control starts affecting almost everyone. So everyone starts acting out the tabloid threats pushed during sweeps-weeks news broadcasts and talking like cheesy news anchors. Drunk drivers drone about the failure of the system to control drunk drivers. Disgruntled gunmen warn viewers about the looming crisis of disgruntled gunmen. I never thought Spin really worked as a villain before, but just like that, they’ve turned him into a first-class threat.

Oh, but that’s not the really awesome thing. The awesome thing is the guys who are hunting Iris and Jai — they’re minions of Dark Side — no, not Darkseid, the powerful and evil Lord of Apokolips — we’re talking the extra-nasty crime boss from Grant Morrison’s “Mister Miracle” miniseries in the “Seven Soldiers” mega-series. Yeah, he was basically Darkseid, with a stylish urban gangsta exterior. But he was fairly rockin’, and no one really knew if we’d ever see any elements of that character or that miniseries again. The minions spout a pitch-perfect pastiche of Jack Kirby/Grant Morrison phraseology — the “Boom-Drive,” the “Sister Box” and about a billion extra exclamation points!!! And when Dark Side’s goons catch the kids, it triggers a very unexpected reaction from Iris…

Verdict: Thumbs up. Pages 4-5 are just about the best single scene I’ve ever seen of Grodd — the visuals and dialogue are just perfect. And the complete flabbergasted glee I felt when I realized that this was gonna be a Dark Side story was just about the happiest I’ve been all week.

 

Birds of Prey #118

And this one’s part of the same crossover, so it’s all about Dark Side, too. Misfit and Black Alice have been abducted by Dark Side’s crew, and Granny Goodness and the Female Furies — yes, the same stylish urban gangsta versions of Granny Goodness and the Female Furies that were in Morrison’s “Mister Miracle” miniseries — are keeping ’em doped up on angry-juice so they’ll participate in gladiatorial matches. So far, Misfit’s been the reigning champ, but Alice was only recently picked up. Alice steals Misfit’s powers to make her escape, but she gets caught by Dark Side himself just as she learns a really surprising secret about her past. So they stick both of them in the arena to see who’ll kill the other, but Alice actually manages to steal the powers of Etrigan the Demon, of all people, and then takes the fight to Granny herself.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Not as skull-crushingly manic as the “Flash” comic, but still lots of fun with a couple of my favorite characters.