B.P.R.D.: The Black Goddess #5

It’s the conclusion of the “Black Goddess” storyarc, as Gilfryd, convinced that Liz Sherman is loyal to him and that the threat of the frogs is over, turns his magic against the agents from the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, including Abe Sapien, Kate Corrigan, and Johann Kraus. He (possibly) kills Johann, but Lobster Johnson is seemingly resurrected. But in the end, his excesses lead Liz (or whatever powers have taken possession of her) to turn against him. But without Gilfryd, is there any hope that humanity can survive?

Verdict: Thumbs up. A good ending. I hope Johann comes back, and I also hope Lobster gets to stick around. And you better jump on board for all the upcoming BPRD mini-series, too — Mike Mignola has already promised that things are going to get rougher for humanity as this series continues.

Crossed #5

A cool-down issue — we don’t even see the Crossed in this one. We just focus on the small group of survivors trying to make their way to safety in a world that’s been taken over by insane homicidal maniacs.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Walks in the woods, peaceful encounters with wild animals, quiet conversations with friends. A nice break from the horror — except it’s not a complete break. We still see, in flashbacks and in the present, the psychological effects that the survivors take on. Some commit suicide, some get ill and don’t want to continue. The only people who seem immune are Cindy, the super-competent leader of the survivors, and her son, Patrick. I suspect things are going to get a lot worse and more violent for everyone as this series goes through its last four issues…

B.P.R.D.: The Black Goddess #4

There’s an awful lot of back-and-forth going on here. Johann Kraus is sneaking into the hidden city, dragons are aiding the soldiers and warrior monks against the frogs and sub-humans and giant bugs, and Memnan Saa tells stories of ancient myths to rationalize his plans to save only a tiny portion of humanity from the invaders.

Verdict: Thumbs down. The fight scenes are good, and Memnan Saa has one very good badass moment, but this story has been going on for a long, long time, and it should’ve been over by now.

Wonder Woman #31

Well, Hippolyta’s former honor guard allies itself with Ares, while Wonder Woman gets weepy about Etta Candy and gets comforted by Dr. T.O. Morrow, of all people. Achilles and his crazy Greek dudes attack the UN, and a nurse gets possessed by Athena to prophesy various dooms and reveal that Genocide is actually the future dead body of Wonder Woman herself. Wondy also smacks Achilles around a little and then punches out a nuclear bomb.

Verdict: Thumbs down. Even the bit with the nuke ended up dull, and the rest of it was really beyond boring. This is another story that has gone on way, way too long.

B.P.R.D.: The Black Goddess #3

While the Frogs and prehumans attack the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense and the US military outside the old Chinese monastery, Abe Sapien, Kate Corrigan, and Andrew Devon listen to Martin Gilfryd/Memnan Saa tell the story of his long, long life, driven to a madhouse in Victorian England, then embarking on a spiritual quest to Agartha, and finally ending up at the monastery, acknowledged as a spiritual leader and wizard with the ability to “tame fire to breed dragons.” Of course, this isn’t doing anyone outside the monastery much good — the Yetis are helping to beat back the Frogs and prehumans, but they’re not making enough progress, especially when the bad guys’ giant bug/robots show up. Looks like everyone’s done for… unless Memnan Saa really can call up dragons…

Verdict: Thumbs up. Lots of action here, lots of intrigue, lots of magic, lots of suspense, lots of just plain freaky stuff. I hope you’re reading and enjoying this as much as I am.

Booster Gold #18

Present Booster and Past Booster team up to track down the last time-knife back to ancient Egypt, where sorcerers are using it to drain the Blue Beetle scarab of all its energy. Meanwhile, Goldstar and Skeets confront the mysterious chronal-energy dude, who turns out to be the late Rex Hunter, evil Time Master wannabe, as he tries to destroy the scarab and do other evil stuff and, and… Pfah, heck with it. This stuff isn’t making a bit of sense right now.

Verdict: Thumbs down. Confused. And bored.

Batman #686

This is the one everyone was anticipating this week — “Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader?” with writing by Neil Gaiman and art by Andy Kubert. How to describe it? All of Batman’s friends and foes are showing up at a sleazy bar in Crime Alley for a memorial service for the Dark Knight. Joe Chill is running the bar, Alfred is serving pie, and Batman is simultaneously mouldering in the casket and watching the proceedings invisibly. On top of that, the Riddler is played by Frank Gorshin, the Joker is played by Mark Hamill, and the one-armed Oliver Queen from Frank Miller’s “The Dark Knight Returns” puts in a brief appearance. Clearly, this is not your standard funeral. Catwoman and Alfred both give eulogies recounting stories from Batman’s career and how he died — both stories are unusually implausible and mutually contradictory. What’s going on here?

Verdict: Thumbs up. This is primarily an exercise in Batman nostalgia, a bit like Grant Morrison’s run in “Batman RIP,” but this is less focused on Silver Age ephemera and more on everything from the Golden Age up. We get snippets from the original Batman origin, subtle shout-outs to neglected Batman co-creator Bill Finger, and artistic styles based on famous Batman artists of past decades. Catwoman wears costumes from the Silver Age, as well as her original cat-headed costume. Alfred’s story, telling about how Batman’s rogues gallery really came to be, is full of reminders of the Bat-legacy. This is good, it’s definitely worth the $4 price tag, and the second part of the story is still to come.

B.P.R.D.: The Black Goddess #2

The Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense has taken a small division of soldiers to a monastery on the Chinese border to look for Liz Sherman and her kidnapper, Gilfryd. While Abe Sapien, Kate Corrigan, and Andrew Devon are invited into the monastery, Johann Kraus and the soldiers have to wait outside. Liz is in a trance, and Gilfryd reveals to the team that she is the only hope for the world’s survival — the Frogs and their monstrous allies are massing in unstoppable numbers, with plans to kill everyone on the planet. And first on their hitlist? Johann and the soldiers outside.

Verdict: Thumbs up. The “B.P.R.D.” series is getting more and more epic with every issue. As much as I’ve always loved Mike Mignola’s artwork, I think I’ve actually been more impressed with what an outstanding writer and storyteller he’s become over the last few years.

Seems like ages since I got to review some horror comics, so let’s hit a couple of Dark Horse Comics’ best.

Hellboy: The Wild Hunt #2

We actually get three stories here. First, after getting betrayed by the Wild Hunt, Hellboy ends up losing consciousness and missing the entire fight — when he comes to, all the Wild Hunters are already dead, killed by the quartet of giants they’d claimed they were going to kill. How did Hellboy escape? A helpful talking sparrow reveals that he’s been temporarily blessed with invisibility. Unfortunately, just because he’s invisible doesn’t mean the giants can’t hear him.

In the second story, we get the history of Gruagach of Lough Leane, a former elf and current broken-down pig monster. While he used to be a powerful shapeshifter, he lost his powers because of love (Ain’t that always the way?), got bested by Hellboy, and trapped in the piggish body he currently resides in. Can he escape his curse and resurrect his former queen?

Finally, we get the story of “How Koshchei Became Deathless” — the story, obviously, of Koshchei the Deathless, a figure from Russian mythology. In this version, Koshchei was originally a common soldier, dying on a battlefield, granted healing by a dragon in exchange for nine years of service. After leaving the dragon’s employ, he is granted a magical shirt that will prevent all injury, which gives him uncommon success on the battlefield. He marries a princess, but she conspires with another suitor to steal away his magic shirt and kill him.

Verdict: Thumbs up. The stories about Koshchei and Gruagach are actually the standouts here — full of the weird lovelorn tragedies and unexplainable magicks that fill all the best mythologies.

B.P.R.D.: The Black Goddess #1

The Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense is still trying to track down Martin Gilfryd, the near-immortal wizard who has kidnapped pyrokinetic Liz Sherman. While a small team led by Abe Sapien and Johann Kraus dig through the files of an abandoned base, Kate Corrigan interviews Harold McTell, an old man who is the last surviving member of Lobster Johnson’s team during the 1940s. Lobster’s investigation of Gilfryd was marked by the mysterious deaths of almost all of his agents. But does McTell still have information that he can offer the BPRD?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Solid characterization and dialogue, with some great pulp elements and random spooky bits tossed in here and there.

I’m spotlighting the grimmest, bleakest, most unstoppably pessimistic comics I’ve got today.

Green Lantern Corps #31

First, the Guardians pass a new law that bans physical relationships and love between Green Lantern Corps members. That’s gonna be a major bummer for the few Corpsmen who are married, Guardians — like Matoo and Amnee Pree, currently trying to capture the babynapping Sinestro Corps member called Kryb. Amnee is pregnant and due to give birth fairly soon, while Matoo, along with Kyle Rayner and Soranik Natu, take the fight to Kryb. Unfortunately, Kryb releases a substance that turns them into her slaves. Amnee escapes the enslaving pollen, but the fight against Kryb induces labor early. She conjures up a ring-powered mega-fetus to pound on Kryb, but Kryb’s slaves still subdue her.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Just unrelentingly grim stuff. Kryb is a creepy babynapping horror, and she’s got Green Lanterns helping her steal more babies. Heck, she’s even got an enslaved father preparing to kill his wife to give Kryb another baby to steal. Grim, grim, grim. I’d quibble with Kryb’s pollen attack, though — the way we understand the power rings, they have enough consciousness on their own to counteract the ring bearers if they get enslaved.

B.P.R.D.: War on Frogs #2

We follow a small squad of soldiers from the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense as they try to track some “frogs” — powerful supernatural froglike monsters that the Bureau takes a special interest in wiping out. Unfortunately, the squad keeps losing members, one by one, as the frogs use the darkness and cramped quarters aboard a derelict ship, to pick people off when no one’s looking. Will any of the soldiers survive to get rid of the frogs? Spoiler: Probably not.

Verdict: Thumbs up, but still so, so, so grim. And I think this is the last segment of this story, so it just ends on a really, really pessimistic note.

Atomic Robo: Dogs of War #4

The Sparrow, British superspy extraordinaire, manages to get Atomic Robo rebooted in time for both of them to escape the crashing train, but they still need to capture Otto Skorzeny and Dr. Valkyrie. They trail them to their mountain fortress, get inside, and have a number of spectacular fights against each other, robots, and cybernetic monster men before a self-destruct sequence blows the whole place sky-high. Are the bad guys dead? Seeing as how there’s a whole ‘nother issue left, probably not.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Straightforward action is good. The screwball “I hate you but secretly think you’re cool” patter between Robo and Sparrow is made all the cooler by the fact that one of them is a hyper-scientific fighting robot.

B.P.R.D.: The Warning #5

Conventional forces finally put down the giant robots destroying Munich, but at a very high cost. And they haven’t even taken out all the robots — they may very well be scattered all over the world, ready to strike at any time. Johann Kraus learns that everyone in his old neighborhood is dead, Kate Corrigan gets to go on a date, Abe Sapien is seeing ghosts and wishing Hellboy were around to set everything right. But is the still-missing Liz Sherman the key to saving the future? And if so, will the cure be as bad as the disease?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Best scene: Johann being driven through his old neighborhood, leaking ectoplasm, as scores of ghosts spring up behind him. Spooky and heartbreaking at the same time.

Crossed #1

Garth Ennis and Jacen Burrows’ much-anticipated horror series gets started, as a small group of people try to survive in a world that’s been wrecked by an epidemic of mass murder. This is a story similar to your typical flesh-eating zombie story, but instead of the walking dead, the problem is that something is causing people to become extremely enthusiastic homicidal maniacs. The only way to tell them from normal people, aside from their really happy and evil smiles, is the bloody red cross-shaped rash that forms on their faces. We follow the survivors briefly on their extremely dreary struggle to get through another day, we get a brief flashback to the first day of the plague, and we get what may be a moment of hope — can the Crossed by stopped by simple table salt?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Imagine the dreariest, most hopeless, most pessimistic zombie movie you’ve ever seen. Then make it even more depressing. That’s “Crossed” for ya. The story is extraordinarily violent — the Crossed get what looks like a sexual charge out of violent murder, so there’s tons and tons of gruesome slaughter going on here. Parents, more than any other horror comic out there, you shouldn’t be leaving this around for the kids to pick up — there’s hyperviolence, gore, cuss words, nudity, torture, and the graphic slaughter of a family. And yeah, I’m still giving it a thumbs up. For adult horror fans, this is a brilliantly crafted zombie story with a few twists. Mark my words, someone’s eventually going to make a very disturbing movie out of this someday.

B.P.R.D.: The Warning #4

The Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense is unable to do anything but watch as giant robots destroy Munchen, Germany. Abe Sapien and Johann Strauss take some soldiers back underground to try to figure out something about the subhuman savages who somehow managed to build the robots. The eventually find a chamber with some of the subhumans, two giant monsters, and some kind of huge engine. Abe kills one of the monsters with a rocket launcher, then Johann possesses it so he can kill the other one. Meanwhile, the other soldiers start planting explosives all over the giant engine. But will destroying the engine do anything to stop the crisis aboveground?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Wonderful pulpy goodness. And I love the idea of a dead, zombified giant monster eating another one — inventive, creepy, and goofy all at the same time.

Green Lantern Corps #28

Trying to identify the mysterious assailant who’s murdered the families of rookie Green Lanterns, the Corps calls in Saarek, a GL who can communicate with the dead. Unfortunately, the face that Saarek conjures doesn’t match up with any known species. Guy Gardner, Kyle Rayner, Saarek, and Kilowog head out to try to track down the killer — but they find not one, but five of them, all Sinestro Corps members. But they’re all caught pretty quickly, and Saarek gets a new assignment that could lead to some major unpleasantness.

Verdict: I’m gonna give this a thumbs down. Everything got resolved a bit too cleanly and quickly, considering how the threat of these killers got hyped up so hard. I’m also not grooving all that hard on Saarek — he seems like he’s been introduced just so they can do something horrible and dramatic to him in the next couple of issues.

B.P.R.D.: The Warning #3

The Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, including Abe Sapien, Johann Kraus, and Kate Corrigan, are trying to track down the possibly kidnapped Liz Sherman, ending up near Munich and uncovering evidence that Liz’s disappearance may have connections to some previous BPRD cases. Abe and Johann investigate an abandoned subway construction site and find a small army of proto-human monsters building giant robots. This is gonna be bad news for Munich and good news for everyone who loves giant robots.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Almost entirely because I love giant robots.

 

Hellboy: The Crooked Man #2

We got two horror masters working on this one. Mike Mignola, creator of Hellboy, handles the writing, while Richard Corben takes care of the art. Hellboy, Tom Ferrell, and Cora Fisher are heading for a church in the Appalachian Mountains to bury Tom’s father. But the witches in the area — including the creepy, subterranean, monster-witches who live in the mines below — don’t want Cora to get away from them, so they hex her until her body explodes with hordes of eyeless albino frogs, bats, snakes and centipedes! Yuck! When Tom and Hellboy finally get to the church, they find it mostly ruined, but the blind preacher who runs it tells them that Cora’s soul was saved and that the church, as consecrated ground, is guaranteed safe ground from witches. But is it safe from the evil Crooked Man himself?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Very creepy. I mean, very, very creepy. Most Hellboy stories tend to have as much pulp action in ’em as horror, but this one, so far, is pretty pure scary stuff. Grand fun.

 

B.P.R.D.: The Warning #2

The entire B.P.R.D. team mobilizes to track down Gilfryd, the immortal mad sorceror who’s been invading Liz Sherman’s mind. They find his temple in the South American jungles, but they can’t find him. Or rather, he won’t let them find him. He puts the rest of the squad in a trance and appears to Liz alone, threatening to kill everyone if she doesn’t come with him. Everyone else gets caught completely flat-footed — Liz vanishes, Gilfryd gets away, and they even lose their transport planes to sabotage.

Verdict: I think I’ll give it a thumbs up. Nothing real fancy, but the story’s advancing nicely, and we still get some good creepy moments.

 

The Goon #27

We take a break from our regular storyline to get a trio of stories here. First, Eric Powell brings us the, umm, heartwarming story of a zombie momma and her horde of gross but devoted zombie-monster babies. After that, Kyle Holtz sends the Goon and Frankie on a quest to track down the monstrous and smelly Skunk Ape in its new disguise. Finally, Rebecca Sugar has a short story about the criminal mad scientist Dr. Alloy. And Eric’s letter column includes news about the cage fighter and roller derby team he’s sponsoring. Plus, bank managers in South Africa and China want Eric to send them some money!

Verdict: Baby, I do believe “The Goon” always gets a thumbs up. Funny, goofy, gross, and weird, so it’s got all the stuff I love.