Thor and the Warriors Four #2

I’ve never really been into Power Pack. And I freely admit that the entire reason I started collecting this miniseries is because I saw a preview of this cover, which made me laugh like a hyena.

Oh, man, I’m gonna have to explain this for people who aren’t up on their Thor continuity, aren’t I? The big guy there is Beta Ray Bill, an alien who was the first non-Asgardian to be worthy enough of being able to pick up Mjolnir, Thor’s hammer. Odin gave him powers like Thor’s, and both of them consider each other great friends, if not outright brothers. And yes, he really does look like a horsey.

Aaaaaanyway, in this issue, the Power Pack kids make their way to the Rainbow Bridge that leads from our world in Midgard to the home of the Norse gods in Asgard. They meet a kindly peddler who offers them some more appropriate, Viking-esque clothing to help them disguise themselves, then march into Asgard and start their own superheroic careers as the Warriors Four. In time, this gets them a meeting with Thor himself, and the heroes swap stories — Thor’s being properly mythological and heroic, and the Power kids’ being a bit less so. The Powers tell Thor and Bill that their grandmother is dying, and they want to take some of the gods’ Golden Apples to her to make her well. Before Thor can tell them that it can’t be done, a frost giant attacks, and the kids help defeat it. But it’s all part of someone else’s evil plot — the kindly peddler was really Loki in disguise and he uses the kids’ Norse costumes to… Well, that would be telling.

And then there’s the backup story by Colleen Coover, as Hercules and the Power Pack beat the stuffing out of HYDRA, all while Herc tells the kids stories about his Twelve Labors. But can they complete the greatest labor of all — cleaning up the house?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Very funny, very awesome, and much like Mjolnir, very much worthy of being picked up. Outstanding cartooning all around, and great funny lines and situations. Yes, Katie Power drives Bill half crazy by wanting him to be a big magical pony, which is hilarious and adorable… as are the dreadful fates visited upon Thor, Bill, and Odin…

Batman and Robin #12

Damian’s mother has secretly implanted control devices into his new artificial spine, allowing Deathstroke to take control of his body and attack Dick Grayson. The good news is that the neural interface isn’t perfect, and it lets Batman hurt Slade by punching Robin. It takes Deathstroke out of the fight and gives Robin control of his body back. Batman and Robin travel to Talia’s hideout and beat up her goons. Damian tells her that he’s perfectly happy being Robin, and Talia tells him she respects his decision — but she’s disowning him, because she’s growing his clone, who’s going to be her new son. Returning to Gotham City, Batman, Robin, and Alfred discover evidence that Bruce Wayne is lost in time, Dr. Hurt prepares the forces of the Black Glove for more attacks, and Dick Grayson discovers that Oberon Sexton is really… Well, that would be telling.

Verdict: Thumbs up. It’s good. It’s really just fantastically good, every step of the way through.

Madame Xanadu #22

As Nimue and mysteriously superhuman detective John Jones hurry to stop Morgana’s schemes in 1950s America, Morgana is enjoying being worshiped by a bunch of mind-controlled cultists. Nimue and Mr. Jones have intercepted one of Morgana’s artifacts — the war helmet of Morgana’s son, Mordred — and her frustration with its loss leads her to gruesomely kill two of her cultists. When our heroes arrive, they have little trouble with Morgana’s cultists, but her spells prove to be a lot more difficult to shrug off.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Again, it’s great fun to see the Martian Manhunter in action here. Heck, even when Morgana is being her most rotten, it’s mainly an irritation that John Jones isn’t front and center, showing off…

Jonah Hex #55

So five years ago, a bunch of saloon robbers tore into a bar, killed the owner and his wife, and got captured by Jonah Hex, leaving little Billy, a explosives-obsessed toddler, orphaned. The kid steals Hex’s gun away and kills the surviving robbers himself, with four bullets and four perfect headshots. Years pass, and another bunch of banditos show up to rob the joint. Billy, now calling himself Billy Dynamite, owns the place now, and he stuffs an oversized firecracker in the leader’s mouth. The rest of the gang set the bar on fire, strap Billy with dynamite, and throw him inside. Hex gets persuaded to do something about it, so he catches the gang, ties ’em up, and leaves ’em suspended over multiple packs of explosives before blowing ’em all to kingdom come.

Verdict: Thumbs down. This story has some serious problems. First, Billy doesn’t really change in appearance over five years — he starts out looking like he’s five, and by the time he’s ten, he still looks like he’s five. And dangit, you don’t take a saloon-owning pre-teen, make him a pint-sized badass, give him a moniker like “Billy Dynamite,” and then just kill him off. That’s a character with some serious personality, and you keep him around so you can use him again in future stories. You do not just cast him aside like he ain’t awesome. And finally, the ending is just too abrupt. Hex captures and kills the gang in just three pages, and he doesn’t even use a gun to do it — just fifty sticks of dynamite. That don’t seem like the Jonah Hex way, sir. So yeah, a rare (hopefully) Gray-and-Palmiotti misstep here.

Hellboy in Mexico

A cool little tale of Hellboy’s past, released by Dark Horse in time for Cinco de Mayo — back in 1956, he was assigned to travel to Mexico to track down a force that was causing vampires, witches, and monsters to attack and murder whole villages of innocent people. He runs into some allies — three brothers, all luchadore wrestlers, who had a vision in which the Virgin Mary commanded them to go forth and fight evil. They team up with Hellboy, and all four spend their days destroying monsters and their nights partying hard. Hellboy gets along especially well with the youngest brother, Esteban. But they get sloppy one night, and Esteban gets taken by dark forces. Days of searching turns up nothing, no matter how many vampires they torture, until they find a poster advertising a new rudo luchadore, Camazotz — and a scrawled note demanding Hellboy meet him for a wrestling match from hell. Does Hellboy stand a chance against his former friend?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Numerous thumbs up. Multitudinous thumbs up. Combining Hellboy with luchadores and vampires and zombies is something that’s been hinted at from time to time — the character Lobster Johnson’s history includes a number of old Mexican luchadore movies made in his name — but this is just beyond awesome. It’s a little surprising that we haven’t seen stuff like this more often — we’ve followed Hellboy into just about every other corner of the world already. It really does combine the two genres — Mignola-style pulp horror and luchadore fiction — perfectly — part scary, part heartbreaking, part pure kaboom-blasting-brilliant. I want more of this stuff so very, very much.

Detective Comics #864

Looks like our focus is now going to pass from Batwoman back to Batman — this time, we’re getting a story about Dr. Jeremiah Arkham, former director of Arkham Asylum. He’s now an inmate of his asylum, despised by his former inmates but still ultimately ruling over them because he’s such a remorseless psycho badass and because he used to be the mad mob boss Black Mask. But Arkham still has some big plots in place — he’s attached a bomb to the chest of a stockbroker to get him to sabotage the stock of every corporation in Gotham. Batman has a plan to get Arkham to reveal the codes to disarm the bomb — he gives him access to his three secret patients — three emotionally damaged people who Arkham has kept hidden in cells deep in the asylum’s depths — but is Arkham prepared for the strange transformations his patients have undergone?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Weird, weird, weird. Disorienting and skewed, brutal and mad. Just perfect for a story set inside a madhouse.

Spider-Man: Fever #2

Spidey’s soul has been captured by a bunch of interdimensional spider-demons. They plan to eat him, but they perceive that he’s part spider and part human. So they give him a test — travel into the world of the flies and capture something called the Sorror-Fly. Meanwhile, Dr. Strange travels the mad magical dimensions trying to track Spider-Man down. He gets help from some dog creatures and from an Australian sorceress on walkabout. He travels down a magical river in a mystic swan-boat, meets up with sentient matchsticks (“I’m sorry,” he says. “I don’t speak Match.”), and makes his way through one bizarre world after another. Will he be able to save Spider-Man? And how close is Spidey’s relationship to the spider-demons?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Lots of awesomely weird stuff. Brendan McCarthy really unleashes his imagination here, with an incredibly mad plot and fantastic, crazed artwork. Spidey’s costume as he journeys into the desert is really cool, and almost every page is just beautifully rendered. It may not always make perfect sense, but it’s turning into an outstanding ride.

Justice Society of America #38

In the present day, the Darkness Engine activates, and every superhero and supervillain in the world gets depowered, leading to a bunch of deaths (Aquaman and everyone in Atlantis, plus all the Earth-based Green Lanterns) and a lot of injuries (Superman barely survives a steep fall). After that, all the world’s heroes are rounded up by the new Nazi regime. And in the future, Nazi media personalities are making small-talk before the special state execution of Batman to commemorate a visit by the Fuhrer. Mr. Terrific is pretending to collaborate with the Nazis in an attempt to acquire technology to knock out the Darkness Engine, and to complete the scheme, he needs to pay a visit to the infirmary to get medical supplies — and the easiest way there is to have someone beat him halfway into a coma. Are any of his ex-superhero friends willing to deliver the necessary beatdown?

Verdict: Thumbs up. It’s a pretty grim story — okay, it’s a very, very grim story — but that’s to be expected from these kinds of time travel epics. There are several good surprises here and there, too. These Nazis are really unpleasant to have to read — I sure hope they pay us back by having a heck-of-a-lotta Nazi bludgeonings before this is all over.

The Guild #2

Cyd Sherman is on top of the world — her mostly-shallow punk rock boyfriend Trevor wants her to contribute more to his band, write some songs, help with marketing, you name it. No, wait, he’s gonna grab the credit for all that and continue to mostly ignore her. So it’s back to the fantasy world of “The Game,” where she meets some more friends, goes on some more quests, fights some zombies, and picks some bluebells. On one hand, playing the game is helping her stick up for herself more — on the other hand, she’s slacking off on some of her other duties… and her relationship with Trevor takes a surprise turn…

Verdict: Ehh, thumbs down. A bit more soap-opera than I’m interested in handling. I know that’s half the point of comic books, but I still have a hard time working up much enthusiasm for the evolution of Cyd’s neuroses.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold #16

After a brief prelude where Batman teams up with — well, more like gets beat up by — the mind-controlled Teen Titans, we get to the main story for this issue — Bats and Wonder Woman try to find the egg-obsessed criminal mastermind Egg Head by looking for a bunch of strange eggs he seemed to be after. But Egg Head captures the heroes and their collected eggs and uses them to hatch out an elder god called Y’ggphu Soggoth — better known as the ridiculously silly Silver Age Wonder Woman villain Egg Fu.

Verdict: Thumbs up. How ’bout this — this series takes two of the DC Universe’s biggest names and pits them against two of their dumbest foes — a bizarrely racist egg (but now portrayed much more like the character from the “52” miniseries, as simply a weird egg-like villain) and a guy who hasn’t really appeared anywhere since he was played by Vincent Price in the ’60s Batman series. And they actually make it work out fine. Egg Head mostly stays in the background directing the action and acting demented, with Egg Fu showing up at the end as the heavy hitter. It was a lot better than I was expecting from the cover, honestly.

Wonder Woman #43

Diana is stuck in Washington, which is cut off from the rest of the world, as a monstrous alien civilization makes war on it. It’s an all-woman invasion that survives by scavenging a hundred women from each world they visit before they unleash a horde of semi-organic snakes on the planet to eat everything biological and convert it into a goo that is used as both food and spaceship fuel. Oh, and the aliens’ leader is Wonder Woman’s aunt, Astarte, kidnapped from the Amazons when she and Hippolyta were just babies. While Achilles, Etta Candy, Steve Trevor, Wondy’s gorilla bodyguards, and the DMA try to get control of the situation, Astarte reveals that even more of her alien fleet is on the way — and she unveils her secret weapon: her own daughter.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Excellent action, good intrigue, better characterization than I was expecting, and an excellent backstory for Astarte. And Wondy’s new cousin, Theana, makes the best mirror-opposite Wonder Woman I’ve seen outside of, well, DC’s antimatter universe. And beside Gail Simone’s storytelling, there’s also Nicola Scott’s downright brilliant artwork, too.

I had a pretty good haul for Free Comic Book Day on Saturday — I hope you did, too. Here’s what I picked up…

Love and Capes #13

A lot of the comics you get on Free Comic Book Day are there to promote upcoming comics and crossover events, but this isn’t “Love and Capes: The Free Comic Book Day Edition” — this is the actual 13th full issue of “Love and Capes,” not filler, not a backup story, not a snippet, not a pinup book, and Thom Zahler put it out there completely free, which is pretty danged awesome.

In the previous issue of “Love and Capes,” Abby and Mark (better known to the world as the high-flying hero Crusader) got married after a long, whirlwind romance. This issue, they wrap up their honeymoon in Hawaii, get used to married life, work out a way to hide Mark’s wedding ring when he’s on-duty so supervillains don’t realize he’s gotten married, and work through the gossip about their own wedding reception.

Verdict: Thumbs up. “Love and Capes” is an incredibly fun comic, and it was fantastic to get it for free. Heck, I think there’s a pretty good chance that this was the best comic produced for this year’s Free Comic Book Day.

Iron Man: Supernova

This is basically an extra story from the “Marvel Adventures” comics series. Iron Man and Nova get called out after a report that Red Ghost has escaped from prison. His Super-Apes — Mikhlo the superstrong gorilla, Peotr the telekinetic orangutan, and Igor the shapeshifting baboon — are being held at a zoo-like facility, where Igor appears to have reformed — he now loves candy much more than he loves Red Ghost. Well, who can blame him? Red Ghost, however, succeeds in getting Mikhlo and Peotr to break loose. Do Iron Man and Nova have a chance of stopping Red Ghost and his Super-Apes when one of their allies is an ape that loves to goof off and shapeshift?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Very nice story. No, wait — it’s a very nice story that’s crammed full of apes! Igor’s wacky shapeshifting is a lot of fun. Paul Tobin is also the writer on “Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes,” which is already one of my favorites.

Doctor Solar, Man of the Atom/Magnus, Robot Fighter

Dark Horse is bringing these two semi-classic comics back. First, we get Doctor Solar, a scientist transformed into a god during a nuclear accident. Unfortunately, his transformation also created a number of random space-time anomalies, one of which empowers an abusive drunk who’s way more likely than Doctor Solar to beat up people who get in his way. Second, we get Magnus, a man who lives in the year 4000. He’s been trained in a special kind of martial arts that lets him break steel with his bare fists, so he goes out and beats up criminal robots. His allies include a robot called 1A and the wealthy Leeja Clane.

Verdict: Ehh, I’m completely ambivalent. Jim Shooter’s stories seem fine, but both Solar and Magnus have always seemed like characters that don’t make sense when you remove them from the cheesy 1960s comics where they originated. We’ll see if Dark Horse can get ’em to work out.

Artifacts #0

Top Cow’s new crossover is going to focus on bringing together 13 mystical artifacts in an attempt to destroy the world. This issue takes the form of an unseen villain feeding information to a captured Aphrodite IX, a green-haired cyborg assassin, about the Witchblade, the Darkness, the Angelus, and ten other quasi-magical items that keep Top Cow’s superhero universe spinning.

Verdict: Well, it’s free. But other than that, it’s a promo for a crossover that won’t be published ’til July.

Owly: Breakin’ the Ice

Well, they had this on the table, and I’d been looking for an excuse to check out this series… but it turns out this one isn’t from this year’s FCBD comics — it’s from all the way back in 2006! Andy Runton‘s cartoon about a lonely but loving owl is almost completely wordless, making it a great comic for very young readers. In this story, set during a cold winter at the local pond, Owly and his friends Wormy and Scampy try to figure out how to make friends with a flock of migrating geese.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Very, very cute, and outstanding cartooning. I wish I’d realized I hadn’t picked up this year’s free Owly comic, but I’m still glad I got to read this one. Parents, you should definitely consider this series for pre-readers.

Hey, hey, it’s the First of May! Free Comic Book Day starts today! Or words something to that effect…

I’ve been so distracted by work and other duties that I completely forgot how close we were to Free Comic Book Day. How close are we? It’s now! Right now! Everyone panic and run around!

If you live in Lubbock, Star Comics at 2014 34th Street has you covered. They’ve got comics already bagged up and ready to hand out — two different selections, one for all-ages readers, with lots of great kid-friendly comics (but there are lots of great all-ages comics out there, so grownups, don’t be shy about picking that one up), and one for the fanboys (and fangirls), with comics produced by Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, IDW, and others.

If you’re reading this but you’re not from Lubbock — don’t worry, your local comic shop is probably giving out free comics, too. Go check ’em out!

And if you’re not familiar with Free Comic Book Day, don’t worry, it’s easy to participate. Just head out to your friendly neighborhood comic shop (don’t bug grocery stores, convenience stores, or regular bookstores — this is an event just for comic shops), and see what they have available.

Remember, you can’t just pick any comic off the rack and demand to get it for free. You’re not going to get a free copy of Action Comics #1, no matter how much you try to rules-lawyer your way around things. Comics publishers put out special editions of their comics specifically for Free Comic Book Day — usually something promoting some of their other comics or an upcoming comic event. You’ll be able to get the special FCBD comics for free — not the other comics in the store.

Some stores will let you have only one. Some will let you have several. Some will let you pick which comic you get. Some will give you one at random. Some will have other special offers in the store. Some won’t. Ya rolls yer dice, ya takes yer chances.

Whatever you do, get there early. Supplies are limited, and once they’re gone, there ain’t no more left. If you get there just before closing time, you probably won’t get any free comics at all. Get there early so you don’t miss out.

And fer cryin’ out loud, once you get your free comic, take a walk around the store, and see if there are any other comics, games, books, or toys you want to buy. You’ll look like a weirdo if you run in, grab your free comic, then run out like a freak. Be neighborly, people.