I’m spotlighting the grimmest, bleakest, most unstoppably pessimistic comics I’ve got today.

Green Lantern Corps #31

First, the Guardians pass a new law that bans physical relationships and love between Green Lantern Corps members. That’s gonna be a major bummer for the few Corpsmen who are married, Guardians — like Matoo and Amnee Pree, currently trying to capture the babynapping Sinestro Corps member called Kryb. Amnee is pregnant and due to give birth fairly soon, while Matoo, along with Kyle Rayner and Soranik Natu, take the fight to Kryb. Unfortunately, Kryb releases a substance that turns them into her slaves. Amnee escapes the enslaving pollen, but the fight against Kryb induces labor early. She conjures up a ring-powered mega-fetus to pound on Kryb, but Kryb’s slaves still subdue her.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Just unrelentingly grim stuff. Kryb is a creepy babynapping horror, and she’s got Green Lanterns helping her steal more babies. Heck, she’s even got an enslaved father preparing to kill his wife to give Kryb another baby to steal. Grim, grim, grim. I’d quibble with Kryb’s pollen attack, though — the way we understand the power rings, they have enough consciousness on their own to counteract the ring bearers if they get enslaved.

B.P.R.D.: War on Frogs #2

We follow a small squad of soldiers from the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense as they try to track some “frogs” — powerful supernatural froglike monsters that the Bureau takes a special interest in wiping out. Unfortunately, the squad keeps losing members, one by one, as the frogs use the darkness and cramped quarters aboard a derelict ship, to pick people off when no one’s looking. Will any of the soldiers survive to get rid of the frogs? Spoiler: Probably not.

Verdict: Thumbs up, but still so, so, so grim. And I think this is the last segment of this story, so it just ends on a really, really pessimistic note.

Nothing much I wanna blather about today, so I thought I’d toss some interesting scans up here.

First, this is my favorite inadvertently disturbing comic cover ever.

Second, Lois Lane should be more careful around robots.

And finally, here’s boring old married couple Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman. Did you know Mr. Fantastic has stretching powers?

Susan Richards is a very lucky woman.

Okay, I’ve corrupted y’all enough for one day.

Justice League of America #27

Well, there’s really just one reason I bought this one: the return of characters from Milestone Media and their integration into DC Comics’ continuity. Milestone was a comics imprint that was published through DC, but it had no connections to the regular DCU. It was probably the most successful comics publisher to specialize in fully multicultural comics. Its lead characters included Icon, Static (who made his new re-appearance in the pages of “Terror Titans” a week or two ago), Hardware, the Blood Syndicate, and the Shadow Cabinet. In this case, we’re getting re-introduced to the Shadow Cabinet, with the idea that they’ve somehow existed in the DC Universe all along, but somehow, few DC characters have ever met them before. It’s a bit of a stretch, but I guess it’s no more outlandish than Spider-Man making a deal with the Devil to end his marriage, so I guess we’ll roll with it.

Anyway, we start out focusing on Dr. Kimiyo Hoshi, the second Dr. Light, the one who wasn’t a supervillain. Her powers have been working only sporadically for years, so she’s mostly retired to raise her family. She is confronted in her apartment by the Shadow Cabinet, a clandestine, black-ops superhero team, including Hardware, Donner, Blitzen, Iota, Payback, Iron Butterfly, Starlight, Twilight, and Gloria Mundi. She tries to give them the slip, but is captured easily. Luckily, she has time to activate her old Justice League International distress signal.

Meanwhile, back with the current JLA team, the relationship between Red Arrow and Hawkgirl hits a major stumbling block because Hawkgirl keeps having dirty dreams about Hawkman. Oh, come on, Red, you’ve fathered a child with a supervillain — you got nothing to complain about. Elsewhere, Vixen’s powers are back to normal, and Black Canary finds out that Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman have been having secret meetings about the future of the League because they don’t trust her as the leader. She very sensibly tells them to get over themselves.

But back to the Shadow Cabinet. When the Justice League shows up to investigate Dr. Light’s distress call, they find that everything seems okay. But Batman quickly realizes that the Cabinet has disguised themselves as Dr. Light, her kids, and her babysitter. And other members of the Cabinet are attempting to infiltrate the Justice League HQ. All this means there’s gonna be some fightin’.

Verdict: A conditional thumbs up. I like seeing Milestone’s characters again. I loved these guys, and it’s wonderful to see them back in print. (But where’s the Blood Syndicate? SYNDICATE RULES FOREVAH!) It’s also nice to see the return of the “scrib,” a scribble in the word balloons that Milestone used to indicate profanity. And I am very fond of Black Canary’s characterization — of course, she would absolutely rake Supes, Wondy, and Bats over the coals for trying to undermine her leadership of the team, and it’s way past time that their secret meeting room got exposed.

On the other hand, the stuff about Vixen, Hawkgirl, and Red Arrow is completely useless soap-opera crap. And someone really needs to take artist Ed Benes aside and tell him to cut back on the gratuitous butt-shots. It gets really, really creepy after a while. I’m still not a big fan of Benes’ art — seems fine if you’re looking for something glossy, plastic, and Liefeldesque, but there are a lot better artists out there who should be drawing DC’s flagship series.

This isn’t so much a recommendation for something you can get the comics fan in your life — most comics fans out there either already own this or they’ve at least read it somewhere in the past. Instead, this is a recommendation for new comics readers and for movie fans. Because 2009 is definitely going to be the Year of Watchmen.

Watchmen was originally published as a limited series in 1986-87 by DC Comics and later collected as a graphic novel in 1987. It was written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons. It told a story of an alternate universe of costumed but unpowered vigilantes, how a single godlike metahuman changes the world, and how one person decides to bring the whole world together in peace. Is that telling things a bit too vaguely? Maybe so, but it’s also fun for new readers to discover the intricacies of the plot for themselves.

Our lead characters include Nite Owl, a gadget-using hero; Silk Spectre, a beautiful martial artist; the Comedian, a doomed government agent; Rorschach, a conspiracy-obsessed — but still badass — lunatic; Ozymandias, the smartest and richest man on the planet; and Dr. Manhattan, a man gifted with near-omnipotent powers but entirely detached from human emotions and concerns.

Like I said, most comics fans are very well aware of how great this story is. It also makes a great jumping-on point for new comics readers, because it demonstrates what many critics consider to be the very peak in comics storytelling — it’s a deeply nuanced and complex story, jam-packed with symbolism and bleak foreboding. It’s also a very adult story — and not just because it includes sex, nudity, swearing, and violence — this is a story told by grown-ups to grown-ups. I’m sure particularly smart kids can handle it easily, but it’s not something you wanna drop in your third-grader’s lap because it’s “just a funny book.” Alan Moore has now generally disowned the book because of his long-standing disagreements with how DC has treated him and his work.

And movie fans will probably be interested because Zach Snyder, director of “300,” plans to release a “Watchmen” movie next year, and it’s quickly become one of the most heavily anticipated films around. When the first trailer made its debut in July, demand for the graphic novel skyrocketed, and DC had to rush hundreds of thousands of new copies to print. In other words, when people see info about this movie, they want to read the comic it was based on. So if you’ve got a movie fan on your shopping list, they might appreciate getting to read the comic before the movie comes out in March.

Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. Go pick it up.

Justice Society of America #21

Gog wants to be worshiped, and though Magog, the former David Reid, is willing, the rest of the renegade Justice Society is understandably reluctant. The rest of the JSA arrives, and Sand reveals that Gog is in the process of rooting himself to the planet — if he stays on Earth even one day more, he stands a good chance of completely destroying the world. Gog reacts badly, and the rest of the JSA turns against him. There’s a lot of references to “Kingdom Come” from here on out — Alan Scott takes on the Green Lantern armor he did in the graphic novel, and Jay Garrick gets accelerated toward the Speed Force, causing his body to take on an appearance similar to the blurry “Kingdom Come” Flash. Gog also takes back the gifts he’d given to the team — Dr. Mid-Nite becomes blind again, Starman goes mad, Sand gets his nightmares back, Damage’s face gets destroyed again, and Citizen Steel, after rejecting Gog’s offer to let him feel sensations again, is instead cursed with terrible pain. Is there any way for the Justice Society to defeat a god?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Good characterization really helps carry this one home. Nate Heywood rejecting Gog is a great moment, as is David Reid realizing just how bad Gog really is. The final chapter of this one comes up next — it should’ve been several issues shorter, but I’m glad the story is finally picking up now.

Final Crisis #5

And speaking of trying to beat gods, Darkseid and the evil gods of the Fourth World are on the verge of taking over everything. Granny Goodness, in the body of the Alpha Lantern Kraken, tries to steal the Central Power Battery on Oa, Wonder Woman is leading Batwoman, Catwoman, and Giganta as the new Female Furies, Mister Miracle and is still alive, Frankenstein is quoting John Milton, Mary Marvel takes down Captain Marvel and Black Adam, Mr. Talky Tawny shows up with a jetpack, the banished Monitor gets superpowered, a Rubik’s Cube gets solved unusually quickly, Lex Luthor is forced to serve Libra’s will, and the people of Earth become Darkseid’s slaves.

Verdict: I think I’ll give this a thumbs up. Lots of mad, bad, dangerous ideas getting flung around here.

Hellboy: The Wild Hunt #1

Hellboy is summoned from a house in Italy where he was rooming with a couple of old dead ladies to England, where he is offered the opportunity to participate in the Wild Hunt, a periodic quest by British noblemen to destroy giants before they become too powerful or cause too much trouble. But does the Wild Hunt hold potential for even more fear and treachery than Hellboy can handle?

Verdict: Thumbs up. A great betrayal and a great cliffhanger. This one is going to be a lot of fun.

Kull #2

The second issue of this adaptation of the adventures of Robert E. Howard’s classic barbarian king is probably the least action-packed sword-and-sorcery story you’ll ever see.

Kull has cemented his place as king of Valusia and now spends his days dealing in politics and diplomacy, holding audience with and receiving gifts from noblemen seeking favors. He receives an emissary from the Picts, his most despised enemies, who asks him to meet alone with their chieftan. Kull accepts the invitation, trusting that the Picts value their close relations with Valusia more than they may hate the Atlantean king. The chieftan proves to be a cunning but trustworthy man, and he warns Kull to watch out for the treachery of the Cult of the Great Serpent. But will the Conqueror have time to guard against betrayal when the shapeshifting Serpent People are already moving against him?

Verdict: Thumbs up. The fantasy-level politicking is nicely done, and I’m enjoying Kull’s characterization as a hotheaded warrior who still has enough cunning to know when to let diplomacy win the day. I do wish there’d been a bit more swordplay — what’s the point of Kull the Conqueror if he’s not slicing and dicing monsters and wizards?

It’s been another rough-and-tumble week, and what we all need to get us eased into the weekend is a stiff shot of brutally violent, extra-violent, extremely violent violence! Time to kick it hardcore! ‘Cause it’s time for FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s punishing platter of pain comes courtesy of E. Nelson Bridwell and Bob Oksner in “Secret of the Smiling Swordsman” from August 1975’s Shazam! #19:

Uhh. That’s… That’s… Dangit, that’s kinda bizarre, ya know?

Pffh. Man, I’m not sure this is appropriate for a family audience. Am I gonna get arrested for this?

Okay, okay, I can’t resist. “Why does she laugh at my mighty sword? Were my parry and thrust not impressive enough? Could all that random poking have caused damage to my previously impressive sabre?”

“Zounds! Her riposte has damaged my epee!”

No one touchés Spacebooger’s inquartata!

So Texas Tech is doing all it can to kill off the highly popular student-run KTXT-FM, citing money trouble. And one of the things I’m wondering is: what happens to Radio Free Metropolis, the best comics-oriented radio show on the planet?

My google-fu is proving weak once again, because I can’t find anything with any solid info. Will they go to online podcasting? Is there still a chance of resurrecting the station somehow and continuing the broadcast over the airwaves? If KOHM lets KTXT broadcast through them, will Metropolis be able to get any of that limited air-time? Heck if I know. Seems like no one knows much of anything right now.

As for why the university is trying so hard to close down KTXT? I don’t think this was a monetary matter — Student Media is claiming that running KTXT was expensive and they didn’t bring in much revenue. Of course, the FCC’s license of KTXT says they’re pretty much not allowed to make any money from advertising, except under extremely limited circumstances.

But there are lots of departments and offices at Tech that don’t make money for the university. Does the Tech Museum bring in scads of cash, compared to the costs of running it? Does the English Department? KTXT-TV? KOHM? Heck, that’s what state funding is about — we as a society pay to educate students in mathematics, in history, in music, in broadcasting, because it benefits society as a whole to have people around who know this stuff.

If the university kept open only those departments and offices that made money, you’d probably have a university that consisted of Engineering, Law, Medicine, a few of the hard sciences, and athletics.

Plus there’s this:

The way they went about this was pretty sneaky and underhanded in my opinion. Yesterday, at 2:30 they called the station manager and told him what was happening ten minutes before they pulled the plug. One of our other exec staffers was on the air at that point. By the time I got there, they had painted over the KTXT logo on the wall in our lobby and were shooing everybody out. They had threatened to change the locks and the entry codes before anybody even had a chance to get their cd’s out of there.

That’s not the way you do it if the only problem is that the station wasn’t making enough money. KTXT has sponsored concerts and shows in the past, and they seem to have an excellent reputation and track record for that kinda stuff. The way to do it would’ve been to go to the students participating in the station, tell ’em there’s money trouble, and let ’em set up a benefit concert. Heck, do it every few months, like pledge weeks on public radio and public TV, except with better music.

But kicking everyone out with ten minutes’ notice, while you’re painting over the logo, while you’re threatening to change the locks and keep the students’ CDs? That’s not “We’re closing because of money trouble.” That’s “We hate KTXT, and we’re going to screw them as hard as we can, then go home and laugh about it.”

In other words, when Student Media says they shut down KTXT because of money trouble… well, I’m not sure I can believe that.

More than likely, this is some member of the university administration, either within Student Media or maybe higher up the food chain, deciding they wanted to throw their weight around. That’s the way university politics works — some bureaucrat who’s managed to work his or her way into a position of power gets it into his head to stir stuff up, picks an employee, office, or department, smites the heck out of them, then settles back into his comfy chair and calls the dry cleaners to get his Sansabelts cleaned up. Meanwhile, the rest of the university breathes a sigh of relief that at least they weren’t the target of the smackdown this time.

How do you respond to this? You stick up for the lowbies who the bureaucrats want to strike down, partly for the good of KTXT and listeners in Lubbock who like good music, and partly to remind the bureaucrats that their power isn’t as great as they’d like to pretend it is.

UPDATE: There’s a concert to support KTXT-FM tonight at 8 p.m. at Jake’s Sports Cafe, at 5025 50th Street. And Texas Tech’s Board of Regents will be meeting today at 11 a.m. in Room 202 of the Administration Building. They usually have a closed session for most of the morning, though, so check around for a meeting agenda to see when they’ll be in open session…

Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures in the 8th Grade #1

This is a new all-ages book from DC, and it features the best version of Supergirl we’ve seen in a comic book in ages. A native of Krypton’s moon, Argo, which was transported into another dimension when Krypton exploded, Kara sneaked into a rocket to Earth in a misguided attempt to get back at her parents and didn’t expect to get trapped on Earth with no way home. But Superman decides the best thing for her is to learn to fit in on Earth, so she enrolls in a local school as bespectacled Linda Lee. Of course, it’s one disaster after another — she has no idea how things on Earth work, so she asks lots and lots of embarrassingly stupid questions. Can Supergirl escape back to her homeworld or at least find a way to communicate with her parents again?

Verdict: Thumbs up. This version of Supergirl is pure awesome, and it’s too bad she’s not the one who appears in the regular “Supergirl” comic. I love the art, I love the story, I love the humor. Go pick this one up.

Terra #3

Well, Geo-Force has been taken over by an undead necromancer named Deathcoil, and Terra has to defeat Deathcoil without also harming Geo-Force. She manages this in only a couple of pages, but Geo-Force is still left in bad shape from the possession, so Terra has to take him to her home — a world deep, deep underground called Strata, populated by an advanced race of kinda-sorta squids. And it turns out that Terra, despite her outwardly human appearance, is also one of the Stratans. Gifted at birth with earth-moving powers, she was chosen to live aboveground among humans as a super-ambassador of sorts. Meanwhile, Richard, the engineer-geologist who got turned into a living diamond, takes his girlfriend to see the mystical underground pool where he got his powers. Wanting abilities like his, she jumps into the pool… and of course, it doesn’t turn out the way she hoped. When an angry Richard shows up in Strata looking for revenge, can Terra and Geo-Force handle him?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Wow oh wow, Amanda Conner’s art on this is sooooo cool. And yeah, we gotta give props to Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti for the excellent story, too, as well as Paul Mounts’ coloring, which is just plain dandy.

In case you ain’t noticed yet, the economy is pretty darned awful right now.

Over a half-million people lost their jobs in November, with expectations that a similar number will lose their jobs every month for a while. A few million more people are going to lose their jobs when the automakers declare bankruptcy, including car dealers, auto parts manufacturers, and, well, pretty much everyone living in Michigan and the northern midwest — and no matter how you feel about the automakers and their employees, that’s going to make things pretty awful for a huge number of people. And the government has finally decided that, despite everyone previously insisting, nope, nope, not in a recession yet, we’ve actually been officially in a recession since last December. Thanks, guys, glad you finally noticed. Hope those of us who are now job-hunting haven’t inconvenienced you too much.

So, if I may be so crude, if not shallow, where does this leave the comics industry?

Probably not anywhere good.

Book publishers are facing some pretty severe cuts, as are media companies in general. Heck, I’m even reading that there’s a chance that some large cities may actually lose their daily newspapers, thanks to hard times in the publishing biz. And if all those other companies are in trouble — many of them making way, way more than the entire comics industry makes every year — you’d be a sucker not to expect some nasty, nasty times on the way for the comics world. We’ve already seen an increase in the number of low-selling books getting cancelled, and speculation is running high that Marvel and DC will soon be raising the prices of their books up to four smackeroos each; if the economy continues to tank, how long will comics publishers be able to rely on readers continuing to spend their increasingly-tight leisure income on any comic books? Are we approaching the days when the only comics being published will be Batman, Superman, and Spider-Man? Or do even those mainstays have a future in this grim economy?

I sure don’t want to be one of those gloom-and-doom forecasters, because I’ve sure got no training in economics or finance. After all, the comic book was born during the Great Depression, and that suggests that the generally low-cost escapism offered by comics could be something that’d survive during a bad economy. Of course, paper is a lot more expensive now than it was back then…

But at any rate, if you are, for some reason, mad enough to think that investing in comics is the perfect way to get you through the economic downturn, could you please cut back on your liquor intake? Unless you already own Action Comics #1, Detective Comics #27, Amazing Fantasy #15, Marvel Comics #1, and two or three other extremely valuable comics, you won’t actually make much money collecting comics. It takes decades for a comic to get really valuable, and the most valuable ones are all from before the end of World War II, when all the paper drives meant that a lot of comics got pulped for the war effort, driving up the value of the ones that were left.

In other words, if you buy a copy of Action #1 today, it’ll cost you over $400,000, and it probably won’t increase in value very much over the next few years. And if you buy a new comic today, no matter who the artist or writer is, no matter what it’s about, no matter what gimmick may be decorating the cover, it may never be worth more than the cover price.

Besides, has it really been so long since the 1990s that people have forgotten the speculator boom-and-bust that almost killed off the comics biz? Let’s please not start that stuff up again, okay?