Hellboy: Darkness Calls #6

In the conclusion to the epic, Hellboy is still locked in combat with the immortal Koshchei the Deathless, lost in the world of Russian myth. Baba Yaga has Koshchei’s soul, and she’s powering him up by feeding him all the souls she’s stolen over the centuries. Will Hellboy be able to get away? And what are the faerie hordes planning on earth?

Verdict: Thumbs up. I’m not going to spoil this, but Mike Mignola and Duncan Fegredo have done a great job here. If you don’t have the previous issues, it’s likely that you’ll have a tough time finding them, so you might want to consider picking up the trade paperback that will eventually collect this whole story.

 

Lobster Johnson #3

More pulp goodness from Mike Mignola, this time with Jason Armstrong providing the artwork. Jim Sacks, the man in the iron supersuit, awakens to discover that his mentor and employer has been reduced to a talking brain in a tank — that Jim himself may actually be dead! And the evil Fu Manchu-esque villain has stolen the device that will allow him to harness vril, a naturally-occuring pseudo-mystical power source. Lobster Johnson busts in and starts wasting the evil doctor’s minions. And the doctor’s vril-powered servant, while fighting Mr. Sacks, transforms into a dragon-like monster!

Verdict: Thumbs up. I loves me some good weird pulp crime fiction.

 

Supergirl #23

It starts out interestingly enough, with Supergirl receiving a mysterious lead-lined package. When she opens it, she gets a phone call from Batman, who berates her for opening a package that might’ve included something deadly like Kryptonite. Then she gets a call from Superman to help the Green Lanterns track an enemy spaceship — to do so she has to fly about ten feet away from it, through space, and she has to hold her breath for two hours, but she has a teleporter that will take her back home, and she has to — well, way before this, it became almost complete gibberish. Why did they need Supergirl for this when they had Superman? Or some Green Lanterns?

Verdict: Thumbs down. Other than the dialogue between Supergirl and Batman at the beginning of the story, which was really amusing, this issue was an absolute pile of donkey dung.

Justice Society of America #10

The Justice Society is rocked by the appearance of a new, older version of Superman. He’s a dead-ringer for Power Girl’s dead cousin from Earth-2, but he is in fact from Mark Waid and Alex Ross’ very popular “Kingdom Come” comic from a decade or so ago, which Starman identifies as Earth-22. The JSA are well and truly freaked out about him and lock him in their board room, fearing he’s some sort of evil duplicate. Supes and Obsidian have a heart-to-heart, then Supes busts out to go rescue a girl trying to commit suicide.

Verdict: Thumbs up. I’m still not sure that I like the idea of dragging “Kingdom Come” even this close to DC’s continuity, I do like Supes’ characterization a lot. It’s also nice to see Obsidian again, since he hadn’t done more than make single-panel appearances since this series re-launched. Also very awesome: Superman’s flashbacks to his home universe are lushly painted by Alex Ross himself.

Blue Beetle #20

This is a crossover with the Sinestro Corps War storyline going on over in the Green Lantern comics. One of the Sinestro Corps rings decides that Christopher Smith — thuggish biker, mentor to Jaime Reyes, and the former hero named Peacekeeper — should be the next member of the Sinestros, because he’s unknowingly carrying one of the scarabs created by the evil alien empire called the Reach. So Jaime’s stuck trying to fight off someone with all his powers plus the powers of the yellow power rings. Brik, one of the Green Lanterns, shows up to help, but they’re still getting skunked. Is there any way to beat both the scarab and the ring to save the man trapped inside?

The fact is that sales for this comic are way low — like “imminent cancellation” low. But DC knows they’ve got a great character here, and they don’t want to give up on the book — hence, you’ve got Beetle joining the Teen Titans and a crossover with DC’s very popular Sinestro Corps crossover here. Not sure this one is going to do the job — heck, we only get a brief glimpse of Jaime’s family and friends, and his supporting cast are just about the best thing about the comic. Still, “Blue Beetle” is one of DC’s very best comics, and I do hope that you — yes, you — will go pick up a few issues.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Even when it’s not at its best, this comic is very, very good.

Countdown to Mystery #2

In the feature story, the new Dr. Fate battles a demon on the mortal plane and in hell, and in his civilian guise as the homeless Kent Nelson, he gets a job picking up trash at a cheap motel. In the backup story, Darkseid tells Eclipso that it was actually created by the Lord of Apokolips, not by God, and Plastic Man goes off the deep end, attacking his son and teaming up with Woozy Winks to commit crimes.

Verdict: Thumbs down. Thumbs way, way down. The Dr. Fate story is fine, but there are no depths to my loathing of the Plastic Man story. Turning Plas into a supervillain is bad enough — and more than enough to earn the creators my undying hatred from now ’til the heat death of the universe — but revamping Woozy Winks from addled but good-natured doofus to hardened criminal? That’s the thing that really makes me mad. It’s everything that disgusts me about DC’s recent trends of embracing darkness and violence, and just disrespecting their characters and the artists who originally created them. It’s a stupid and self-destructive business strategy, as far as I’m concerned.

 

Teen Titans #52

The Titans are stuck in the crossfire between a bunch of mind-controlled villains and the evil Titans from the future. Robin’s plan to kill himself to stop himself from turning into Evil Future Batman is foiled by Prometheus showing up to knock him around. Blue Beetle has to contend with Evil Future Clone Flash. Miss Martian gets a beat-down from Evil Future Martian Manhunter, Kid Devil and Ravager have to fight off supervillains and Evil Future Red Devil, Wonder Girl isn’t getting anything but lectures from Evil Future Wonder Woman, Supergirl is fighting Evil Future Clone Superman. And there are even more Future Evil Threats on the way…

Verdict: Thumbs up, mainly because I dig stories about Future Evil Superheroes.

 

The Trials of Shazam #9

Freddy Freeman wants to move up from being just Captain Marvel Jr. to being the new Captain Marvel, but to do that, he’s gotta be tested by the various gods of magic — and Apollo wants Freddy dead for trying to take away his new, happy, mortal life. And Sabina is still plotting against Freddy behind the scenes.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Good fight scenes, a decent moral/philosophical backstory, and evil schemes going on in the background. This one should start accelerating very quickly toward the ending…

 

The Flash #233

The Flash Family gets rid of the alien invaders, with a little help from the Justice League. Later, Superman demonstrates some of the worst choice of wording ever (“We’ve come for the children” instead of what he really meant, which was “We’ve come to talk to you calmly and unthreateningly about our concerns about your children’s safety.” Superman is an idiot.) and Wally and Linda worry about how long the kids will live with their hyperaccelerated metabolisms.

Verdict: Thumbs down. It’s boring, and I’m a little tired of all this focus on the Flash’s kids. Isn’t it past time for the Flash to fight some Rogues?

Installing Linux on a Dead Badger (And Other Oddities) by Lucy A. Snyder

Taking a short break from comics stuff to review some non-comics lit. This is “Installing Linux on a Dead Badger (And Other Oddities)” by Lucy A. Snyder. It’s a short story collection about cybermancy and necrotechnology — most of the stories are set in a parallel reality where you can use the dark arts to raise the dead, and then use the other dark arts — computer programming — to control them.

One of Snyder’s strengths in this collection is disguising her fiction as news articles or technical writing. The title story is actually written like a software guide, instructing readers on what kinds of software will need to be installed to raise the dead (like a Duppy card, FleshGolem software, or ItzaLive programs, for you Mac users), and well over half of the other stories read like something out of the business or technology sections of your local paper or a national newsweekly.

Can’t imagine necromancy as big business? Obviously, you’ve never considered the financial benefits of replacing your living employees with zombies who will work for 20 hours a day for a bucket of cow brains. Not to mention the benefits of networking your office computers with eldritch extra-dimensional demons who will deliver your e-mail and make market predictions for the price of a few delicious kittens. Sure, there’s a problem with cthonian horrors sucking out your soul, but everyone’s gotta make sacrifices in business, right?

Business trainer Laura Loveblut, author of Who Moved My Spleen?, stresses that new vampires need to educate themselves to stay competitive.

“Knowing the ins and outs of being a modern corporate vampire is like knowing how to dress properly for an interview, knowing to send a thank-you note, or knowing that you shouldn’t slaughter the secretary on your way out of the building. It’s simply not your prospective employer’s job to tell you these things,” says Loveblut.

Verdict: Thumbs up. If you like your fiction with healthy doses of humor, horror, and computer in-jokes, this is definitely something you’re going to enjoy. It’s a fairly slim book, at just over 100 pages, but it won’t cost you but about eleven bucks. You can find ordering information on Snyder’s website, so go pick up a copy for yourself or the Linux geek in your life.

Rich Johnston reports a rumor — far from confirmed — that DC plans to kill Bruce Wayne next summer and have one of the Robins replace him as Batman.

Sure, DC, we totally believe you.

Yeah, Bruce Wayne’s totally gonna stay dead forever, ain’t no doubt about that, is there? It’s not like you’d do something like this just for a quick sales boost for your comics before bringing the character back to life, right?

Seems like most comics these days are just smothered under a ton of drama and angst. So let’s check out a couple of recent comics that are just plain awesome, well-written fun.

 

Biff Bam Pow! #1

Yay! Comics by Evan Dorkin and Sarah Dyer! If you’re familiar with Dorkin’s outstanding “Dork” comics, you know you’ll get great artwork and outlandishly imaginative stuff, but with this, you get some more kid-friendly stories, too. Like One-Punch Goldberg, space-boxer and crime-fighter, and Nutsy Monkey, a very bad monkey with a scheme to get mango sherbet, and Kid Blastoff, a not-very-competent crimefighter and his team of monkey helpers, and Billy and Super-Rad, a superhero and his pesky kid brother! Have I already said this is fun? Because it is fun, and that’s the best recommendation I can come up with.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Go get it, and keep your fingers crossed that Dorkin and Dyer produce some more of these.

 

Doctor 13: Architecture and Mortality

It’s weird that this, one of the very best stories of the past year, made its debut as the backup story of one of the worst comic books around. “Tales of the Unexpected” was supposed to be a spotlight series for the Spectre, but the Spectre story was meandering, dull, irritating and, for a story about God’s Avenging Angel, morally unhinged. I mean, the Spectre was killing people for merely witnessing murders they had no power to stop, and standing by idly while maniacs killed children. And the writers really seemed to think he was awesome for behaving this way. Gaaah. It’s criminal that a story as incredible, funny, and imaginative as “Architecture and Mortality” was stuck as the backup feature instead of the lead.

Anyway, this is the trade paperback collecting the entire Doctor 13 story. The doctor is a detective and extreme skeptic who doesn’t believe in any sort of magic. He and his daughter Traci, who has secret spellcasting abilities, run into a bunch of obscure and unfashionably cheesy DC Comics characters, including Andrew Bennett, the main character from the ’70s series “I… Vampire,” Anthro, the first caveboy, Captain Fear, Genius Jones, J.E.B. Stuart and the Haunted Tank, and Infectious Lass, from the Legion of Super-Heroes. All of them have been marked for elimination by shadowy overseers called The Architects, who want to remake the universe and get rid of unfashionably cheesy comic-book characters.

A lot of the audience for this one is going to be comic book geeks who remember and love these old comic book characters, but if you don’t know these characters, you should go pick up the paperback anyway. Brian Azzarello clearly had a blast writing this, and Cliff Chiang draws some awfully purty pictures to go with it. A huge part of the joy of this comic is the dialogue, which is playful, fun, and funny. From the outrageous accents of Julius, the talking Nazi gorilla, Captain Fear, the Spanish ghost pirate, and that one bald-headed Scottish Architect, to Traci’s pop-culture spells, to the many puns that get tossed around, this is a comic where reading the dialogue is a real pleasure.

Verdict: Big thumbs up. This was one of the best stories DC has produced in years, and it’s great that they collected the whole thing into one book. Go pick it up.

Hully chee, it’s Friday night — isn’t there something we’re supposed to do on Friday nights? Oh, yeah! It’s Friday Night Fights!

From the recent second issue of “Lobster Johnson” by Mike Mignola and Jason Armstrong:

That’s Lobster Johnson getting his skull rattled by a guy with a giant metal claw in place of his arm.

Minor quibble: With a giant “KONG” sound effect, there really should be a giant monkey in this panel.

Bahlactus demands our gratuitously violent tribute!

Well, I’m pretty far behind on my reviews, so let’s get a few done real quick…

Astonishing X-Men #22

The X-Men are still stuck on the Breakworld. The aliens think Colossus will destroy their world, and they’ve got a great big missile ready to blow up Earth in a couple of days — and no one can stop it. Emma Frost asks Danger, the sentient Danger Room computer, to kill her, and the robot can’t do it — her programming won’t let her kill anyone! Lockheed gets revealed as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., and Cyclops still has no powers. And the Breakworlders have the heroes badly outgunned, with no way to escape. But Cyclops has a plan that will require one member of the team to take an interstellar dirt nap…

Verdict: Thumbs up. I generally hate X-Men stories where the team goes into space, but this one has just been fun. Generally, Joss Whedon and John Cassaday have not done a single thing wrong in this entire series. Go git this one, a’ight?

She-Hulk #22

This is the first issue with Peter David as the writer, and there’s not much plot I can tell without giving away the good spoilers. But Shulkie is now a bounty hunter instead of a lawyer, and her latest pickup goes bad in a big way.

Verdict: Basically, thumbs up. Plot is pretty good, dialogue is good, mysterious goings-on are good. The thing is, I don’t like the idea of Shulkie as a bounty hunter. Bounty hunters are stupid. But could David have written her as a lawyer? Maybe not — no rap on his skillz, but it ain’t easy to write about legal issues if you don’t have the background. Still, Peter David is a good writer, and he deserves enough of a chance to win me over.

Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters #2

What if Lindsay Lohan had superpowers? Sure, she’d fight crime, but she’d also be passed out drunk everywhere, going into fake rehab, screaming at the press, showing up blitzed at super-battles. Well, that’s what Phantom Lady does in this comic.

Verdict: Thumbs down. We get more than enough shallow celebrity-obsessed fake news as it is without it showing up in comics. This one just bored and depressed me.